The First Annual Lapsie Awards (Part Two - Electric Boogaloo)

Chris Benoit - first recipient of AMLoR's "Douchebag of the Year"

No pomp and circumstances right now. Let's jump right into this thing, yo!

The 2007 Laspie Awards (Individual and Group Achievements In Fame, Infamy, and Overall lulz!)

First award: This Man Needs to Be the Next President of the USA Based Solely On This Video!


The only things I know about Ron Paul are as follows:

• He believes the US has no business in Iraq.
• He wants to restore the gold standard as a form of currency.
• He is a mammal.
• "...He's got brains and he's got balls..."
• Sadly doesn't stand a real chance since the Republicans will go with Rudy Giuliani.

Honourable Mention: The potential destruction of all sex/race barriers of a Clinton/Obama ticket as seen here:

Best Use of Performance Enhancing Substances: Major League Baseball. Between Barry Bonds breaking the career home run record, rampant rumours of steroid use going back to the late 90s and the Mitchell Report that came out towards the end of the year implicating more names, is there any form of athletic competition that is clean? Probably not.

(Dis)Honourable Mention: Chris Benoit - Suicidal, Homicidal Douchebag.

Best Children's Show Entertainer-Turned-Martyr:

Farfour, a Mickey Mouse lookalike that appeared on The Pioneers of Tomorrow (A children's show that airs in Lebanon.). Taught Arab children to hate Israel and by association the western world. Was killed after refusing to hand over land bequeathed to him by his ailing grandpa to an evil Israeli. Seriously.

Parent of the Year: Kevin Federline. Remember when everyone was saying that Britney was too good for him? Yeah, me neither.

(Dis)Honourable Mention: Alec Baldwin, for totally pWning his daughter on voice-mail.

The Mel Gibson Award For Promoting Racial Harmony and Tolerance: Duane Chapman, better known as "Dog the Bounty Hunter", for his eloquent usage of the 'n' word.

Honourable Mention: Don Imus, for referring to the Rutgers women's basketball team as a bunch of "nappy-headed ho's".

Greatest Act of Infamy: Cho Seung-Hui, former Virginia Tech student/frustrated playwright. Shot and killed 30 or so students before shooting himself.

Biggest Fall From Grace: Michael Vick, former superstar quarterback turned underground dogfighting participant.

(Dis)Honourable Mention: Britney Spears. 'nuff said!
Speaking of Brit-Brit:

Overrated Sensation of the Year: Chris Crocker, also known as the "Leave Britney Alone!" person. I had this long-winded rant planned, but decided not to waste further time on him/her/whatever it is...

He Should Have Won American Idol: Sanjaya Malakar. What could have been the greatest moment in the history of reality television was robbed once the people who kept voting for him realized what kind of unholy hell was about to be released. Now he is probably going to be relegated to touring with William Hung. Thanks a lot, AI fans, you're all dead to me!

Animal of the Year: Tatania the Siberian Tiger.

Biggest Twist of the Year: None that I could think off the top of my head. Maybe that's the twist.

Anyways, that is all for this year. Here's hoping 2008 will bring in just as many crazy things as 2007 did because there goes most of my content. Anyways - Happy New Year!

The First (And hopefully) Annual Lapsie Awards (Part 1 - The Furious Five)

Okay, so I feel kind of foolish of starting up a blog at the end of the year and doing a year-end awards type post, but that's what happens when you are actually inspired to do something with one's life. Yeah, so doing a blog may not be all that inspirational, but after going through a massive creative output in November, my love for writing was rekindled. And 2007 has been a wacky year, so what better way to start off a blog at the end of the year with a recap of said year? Which brings us to part one of the First Annual Lapsie Awards. This part will be a collection of top five lists, mostly movie, music, and television related/ The second part will be individual/group awards invovling newz, sportz and other oddities - which will be completed hopefully by New Years Eve.

And so without further adieu, let us begin with THE FURIOUS FIVE~!

(note: most are in no particular order unless specified.)

Five New Albums I Dug This Year:

1. The White Stripes - Icky Thump
2. Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
3. Kanye West - Graduation
4. Radiohead - In Rainbows
5. Kylie Minogue - X

Five Movies I Actually Enjoyed:

1. Superbad
2. Eastern Promises
3. The Simpsons Movie
4. Hot Fuzz
5. 28 Weeks Later

Five Movies I Was Dissappointed With:

1. Spider-Man 3
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
3. Knocked Up
4. Grindhouse Presents: Death Proof
5. Live Free Or Die Hard

Five Movies I Did Not See And Will Never Ever See Unless Kidnapped by Ninjas and Forced to Watch Them Clockwork Orange-style:

1. Norbit
2. Delta Farce
3. Bratz
4. Alvin & the Chipmunks
5. License to Wed

Five Movies That Came Out Late In The Year So I Have To Watch Them When They Come Out On DVD:

1. Sweeney Todd
2. Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
3. I Am Legend
4. Charlie Wilson's War
5. National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Five TV Shows I Was Digging Until The Writer's Strike Fucked It All Up:

1. The Office
2. Lost
3. My Name Is Earl
4. The Colbert Report
5. First seasons-and-a-half of How I Met Your Mother

Five "WTF?!" Moments On TV:

1. Most of season two of Heroes (It DOES get better after the whole "Micah uses his powers to hack cable services and steal pay-per-view revenue from Vince McMahon's hands" episode, right?)
2. The series finale of The Sopranos. (Okay, while I appreciated everyone was all shook about it and are still scratching their heads - but seriously - what the bloody hell?!)
3. Ellen DeGeneres' doggie misadventures.
4. Vince McMahon's limo going "KaBOOM!" (All potential lul-zy moments later robbed by Chris Benoit: Suicidal, Homocidal Douchebag.)
5. This:

Five Good Books I Read This Year:

1. I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert
2. The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
3. Pain and Passion: The History of Stampede Wrestling by Heath McCoy
4. Watchmen by Alan Moore
5. Apocalypse Wow! Or, How I Stopped Worrying and Love the End of the World by Dane Woychuk *thumb up, cheap pop*

Five Songs That I Dug This Year:

1. Gwen Stefani feat. Akon - "The Sweet Escape"
2. Foo Fighters - "The Pretender"
3. Tay Zonday - "Chocolate Rain"
4. Rihanna feat. Jay-Z - "Umbrella"
5. This:

Five Musical Acts That Need To Just Go Away:

1. Nickelback
2. Hinder
3. Daughtry
4. Saliva
5. My Chemical Romance

Five Awards To Look Forward To In Part Two of the 2007 Lapsies:

1. "The Mel Gibson Award For Racial Tolerance And Understanding"
2. Best Use Of A Performance Enhancing Drug
3. Parent of the Year
4. Greatest Act of Infamy
5. Biggest Twist of the Year.

Intrigued? Then stay tuned for part two...

X-mas was good for everyone (Unless you're a tiger or some Pakistani politician...)

So, I take a break from all things news related because I'm thinking "Ehh, it's the holidays. Nothing big is going to happen." Then I hear about a tiger getting loose in a zoo in San Francisco and said tiger decided to maul a bunch of people. As a result, the tiger has been put down and the whole incident is under investigation. Meanwhile, it has rumoured that one of the victims of the mauling was taunting the tiger before the whole ordeal went down. Now while some may say "THIS IS WHY ZOOS NEED TO BE ABOLISHED! ANIMALS NEED TO BE LIKE FREE AND STUFF! zOMGZ!" and that could be a valid point, what may be forgotten is buddy decided to tease a predatory animal whose instincts (While dormant due to captivity.) are to attack anything they see as a threat to their environment. So, while the zoo may be responsible for not making sure proper safeguards were in place to make sure nothing like this would happen, dumbass got what he deserved and I fully endorse more zoo animals attacking stupid people.

And in "Business just picked up moreso in the Middle East" news: Benazir Bhutto, the leader of the official opposition party in Pakistan, was assassinated during a rally earlier today. And in a total "what the eff?!" move, the assassin then blew himself up. Now I'm a simple man with no real formal education and haven't followed global events closely in a while, but seriously - WHAT THE HELL?! Aren't they supposed to be our (begrudgingly) allies on the global war on terror? It's times like this I feel like our little democracy here has its faults, we're not that fanatical to the point of killing one another because of differing ideologies.

So maybe now I have some last minute additions to the First-time ever (and hopefully annual) Laspie Awards... coming before the end of this year. Stay tuned.

Santa Claus sells out?!

From the WWF circa 1995:



Though truth be told, it was Santa's evil twin from the South Pole, Xanta Klaus:



Just like my momma always said, "Nothing like a little cheese to go with your Christmas cheer!" Merry X-mas everybody!