An Open Letter to Al Gore...

The ONLY thing Al Gore is good at defending us from, until he becomes Emperor of the Moon and rides the mighty moon worm...

Dear Mister Gore,

If global warming means less winter days with temperatures being nearly minus 50 with a windchill, then I say bring it on! If it means living in a world like portrayed in Waterworld (Save for the drinking of one's own urine.) over blowing snow, frozen skin within minutes, and starting issues with vehicles, just call me Aquaman! (Besides, "Sea-Man" sounds way too gay!)

However, while you have dropped the ball with this global warming thing, keep on with raising awareness of the one true threat that could destroy us all: ManBearPig!


Take care.

Death Comes In Threes...

Kind of a sombre post today... or maybe not...

R.I.P. Heath Ledger: Heaven needed a guy who wished he knew how to quit Jake Gyllenhaal

I was going to post about this yesterday but decided to wait around to hear more details so I wouldn't do the same like another death (Going from "Awww, R.I.P. Chris Benoit: Heaven Needed a Cha..." to "zOMGZ! HE KILLED HIS WIFE AND KID AND HUNG HIMSELF?! WHAT THE FUCK?!!?" was quite the rollercoaster.). So now a day later and nothing fully conclusive has been determined, I cannot really comment on this other than with this one phrase:

I am unable to feel anything.

Seriously. It may make me seem cold and crass but outside of deaths in my own family or close friends I no longer care about celebrity deaths. In fact, the last three famous deaths that got to me were:

• Johnny Cash - Country music legend. Died in 2003 at the age of 71 due to varying health problems.
• Syd Barrett - Original frontman/lead guitarist for Pink Floyd. Died in 2006 at the age of 60 from pancreatic cancer.
• Eddie Guererro - pro wres superstar. Died in 2005 at the age of 38 from a heart attack in his sleep (Enlarged heart due to steroid/prescription drug abuse.)

After those deaths and being slightly shook in this modern world, celebrity deaths no longer faze me. In fact, when Britney Spears pulls an eventual Andrea Yates on her kids and then is found dead with a dozen Hostess Ding Dongs shoved down her gullet, I'm not shedding one tear for her. Her kids, yeah, but not her.

R.I.P. Pam Barrett: Heaven needed a feisty socialist stuck in conservative Alberta.

For more details, click here.

R.I.P John Ferguson Jr's tenure as Toronto Maple Leafs general manager: Actually, not even Heaven wants you, Fergie... lol amirite?!

For most part, the drama seems to be over in the center of the Canadian hockey universe as embattled Leafs' GM John Ferguson Jr. was fired earlier this week. While former GM Cliff Fletcher has been instilled as an interim GM, this is not a permanent solution. In fact, if Maple Leafs Sports Entertainment would entertain my offer here, I'm sure I could prove more useful as a GM than ol Fergie boy. (Then again, a sexually confused mongoose would do a better job than he did.)

1. Hire former CIA agents who worked on the MKULTRA project in the 50s and 60s for scouting assignments.
2. Systematically kidnap best player on each team in the NHL.
3. Brainwash them into thinking they are now members of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
4. ????
5. PROFIT!

The ball is in your court gentlemen. Being a hockey GM has been one of my lifelong dreams. That, and the one involving Jessica Biel, assless chaps, and a container of Cool-Whip, but that is another dream for another time...

Forget Ron Paul... I Now <3 Huckabee!

Well, in the glorious U S and A, they're in the middle of selecting candidates to become the next president in November of this year. At the end of last year, I fully endorsed Ron Paul as my choice if I were voting in that wonderful country because, well because he seemed to be totally batshit insane and would bring upon many lulz over current master of the lulz George W. Bush. However, as Mister Paul seemed to be getting pWned in the Republican primaries and left between three choices:

Mitt Romney: Former Mass. governor and full time Mormon - one of the few religious groups/cults that makes $cientology seem sane and well-grounded. Need proof? Watch this!

John McCain: War hero, senator, and possibly a lost McCain brother and thus heir to Canada's premier frozen food and shitty TV commercial makers.

Mike Huckabee: Former Arkansas governor, former Baptist minister and proudly endorsed by Chuck Norris! And I recently discovered another big name endorser as well: pro wrestling legend Ric Flair!

Plus this random vlogger makes some convincing arguments as well:



So yeah, I have flip-flopped and turned the tide! Huckabee all the way on the Republican side! Whoo!

The 25 Most Played Songs on my iPod - First Edition

So, while adding some recently acquired songs onto my iPod, I was thinking to myself:"Self, what are like the most played songs on this wonderful device?" Then I looked and saw there was a default playlist on there labeled "Top 25 Most Played Songs". So for your enjoyment/curiosity/source material for future mockery here it is, along with a brief description of why it has been played

A MOMENTARY LAPSE OF REASON PRESENTS: MY iPOD TOP TWENTY-FIVE FOR JAN. 15/08

1. Green Day - "She's a Rebel"
-One of the few songs that hasn't been overplayed from their American Idiot album. Had it featured as part of the unofficial soundtrack to Apocalypse Wow! Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The End Of The World.

2. Kayne West feat. Chris Martin - "Homecoming"
-Figured I better put Mister West on here otherwise he'd claim I don't care about black people... by featuring a song done with the guy that fronts Coldplay.

3. Pink Floyd - "Free Four"
-A surprisingly upbeat song for such a depressing subject matter (The realization of one's own mortality). Was a small hit on the US radio waves for the Floyd.

4. Tenacious D - "Beezleboss (The Final Showdown)"
-The climatic showdown between Jack Black, Kyle Gass, and the Prince of Darkness himself from Tenacious D In The Pick of Destiny. Should have been the final boss battle song in Guitar Hero III.

5. The Coasters - "Down in Mexico"
-Part of the only scene that was worth anything in Death Proof - Quentin Tarantino's half of Grindhouse.

6. April March - "Chick Habit"
-As an addendum to number five, the sound track for Death Proof pretty much helped make it tolerable to sit through.

7. Kylie Minogue - "In My Arms"
-From her 2007 album X and her first album since successfully beating breast cancer. Way to be, Kylie!

8. The White Stripes - "As Ugly As I Seem"
-Originally from their Get Behind Me Satan disc, this version was a live studio performance on a radio program that I found in a B-Sides collection. God bless the internets!

9. Gwen Stefani - "Harajuku Girls"
-So, Gwen can have a gaggle of Japanese school girls follow her around and she is called a "trend setter"; but if *I* had a gaggle of Japanese school girls follow *ME* around, Chris Hanson would want to have a talk with me and *I* get labeled "a pimp"... erhm, hypothetically speaking of course...

10. Avril Lavigne - "Hot"
-One of the few songs from The Best Damn Thing in which Avril doesn't sound angry.

11. Chris Cornell - "You Know My Name"
-The opening theme from Casino Royale - one of better of the newer James Bond films. Sorry fat housewives who want Pierce Bronson, I think Daniel Craig is gonna prove to be a better Bond than him.

12. Eric Clapton - "Cocaine"
-... is a helluva drug. Just ask Lindsay Lohan lol amirite?! ZING!

13. Amy Winehouse - "Rehab"
-... nah, this one is too easy.

14. Fergie feat. Ludracris - "Glamorous"
-There was a story behind why I played this song lots lately, but it is rather boring so I spare the details.

15. McFly - "Little Saint Nick"
-One of the constantly played songs on my Xmas playlist. Wouldn't have ever come across it if I didn't search for the original version by The Beach Boys.

16. Gwen Stefani feat. Akon - "The Sweet Escape"
-Real-life friends know how I like to sing the "Wooohooo! Yeeehooo!" parts that Akon does. Then they kick my ass for doing so. Such is life...

17. Hawksley Workman - "Smoke Baby"
-Got no real story for this one. It is just a good song in my opinion.

18. Rihanna - "Shut Up and Drive"
-Knocked off Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" off my "Five Double-Entendre" song list.

19. Sloan - "Ill Placed Trust"
-In a perfect world, Sloan would be the premier Canadian rock band and Nickelback would be banished from ever performing again.

20. Roy Orbison - "Claudette"
-Found a greatest hits compilation at a local 7-Eleven and being somewhat unaware of his songs outside of "Pretty Woman" and "Only the Lonely" I began to dig this little ditty.

21. The Tragically Hip - "My Music At Work"
-Just one of many of the Hips' "What the fuck is Gordon Downie talking about?!" songs. May or may not be a jab at all of those "easy rock" format stations which usually have the title in their slogan

22. The White Stripes - "Girl, You Have No Faith In Medicine"
-In my top five favorite White Stripes songs.

23. Avril Lavigne - "Girlfriend"
-There was a story to this one too, but now it has left me. Sorry...

24. Dido - "White Flag"
-She is better known as "Who was the chick singing the song used for the opening for Roswell?" or "The chick whose song Eminem sampled for 'Stan'" but she DID do other songs.

25. t.A.t.u - "All The Things She Said"
-Some of my guilty pleasures wrapped in one song: europop, fake Russian lesbians, and one hit wonders.

I'll do another post like this in about a month or so just to see how much it has changed.

An Open Message To The Edmonton Investors Group...

As an unofficial self-appointed representative of Daryl Katz, I bring this video message to hopefully persuade you foolish fools to reconsider your constant refusal of Mister Katz's offer to take the Edmonton Oilers off your hands. While most of the video is actually irrelevant, the ending message is clear:



SOMEBODY TAKE THE DAMN MONEY!!!

New Years Hodgepodge

Happy 2008, everybody! Kind of a short-ish post today with a few random thoughts. Probably nothing exciting, really. I mean, it is only the beginning of the year, I'm sure wackiness will ensue in the next 365 days (Yes, this is a leap year, folks!). Anywho, here we go:

Now THAT Is Hockey! - So I was able to catch the "Winter Classic" game between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Buffalo Sabres today and was pretty surprised with the results. Here I was thinking that it would not be able to top or be on the same level as the Heritage Classic game held in Edmonton a few years ago. I was glas I was wrong with my assumption as the game itself was good and the environment seemed perfect with snowfall occuring during the game. I for one would love to see this become maybe a bi-annual at the most event because doing something like this on a regular once-a-year schedule will take away its uniqueness.

So, How Am I Saving Money Again? - January 1st also meant that the Goods and Services Tax in Canada went down another percent to 5%. Personally, I don't see how dropping a sales tax two percentage points over the course of two years saves me money taxwise when I'm pretty much in the same tax bracket and paying the same amount to the government in income tax. Unless I go the Angelina Jolie route and adopt a bunch of needy orphans, put them into competitve sports and live common-law with someone whose net worth is way higher than mine, I could reap the benefits of these tax breaks.

Smoke 'em If You Got... err... Nevermind... - Also the new year brought upon Alberta's new anti-smoking bylaws which is being touted as one of the toughest and strictest laws in Canada and the world. Not only is smoking banned in all public places, but also five meters away from any entrance-ways, windows that open, and air vents. Plus also say goodbye to cigarette sales in pharmacies, hospitals, and colleges/universities in about 18 months too. At the risk of offending some of friends who are smokers, I would like to say this is probably the right step and as far as the government can go without calling for an all-out prohibition of cigarette smoking with one of the reasons probably being because it is a decentish tax cash cow for them. Although it is an oxymoron when the government collects probably a good deal of tax money from tobacco sales and can't find the funds for a health care system to treat diseases caused by second-hand and regular smoking, perhaps a combination of prohibiton and a state-funded "quit smoking and live longer, dumbasses!" program should be the next step.

That's all I got for now. Once again, happy new year and here's hoping 2008 is just as crazy as 2007 was because then, well, I'd be out of material to fill this blog with