Death Comes In Threes...

Kind of a sombre post today... or maybe not...

R.I.P. Heath Ledger: Heaven needed a guy who wished he knew how to quit Jake Gyllenhaal

I was going to post about this yesterday but decided to wait around to hear more details so I wouldn't do the same like another death (Going from "Awww, R.I.P. Chris Benoit: Heaven Needed a Cha..." to "zOMGZ! HE KILLED HIS WIFE AND KID AND HUNG HIMSELF?! WHAT THE FUCK?!!?" was quite the rollercoaster.). So now a day later and nothing fully conclusive has been determined, I cannot really comment on this other than with this one phrase:

I am unable to feel anything.

Seriously. It may make me seem cold and crass but outside of deaths in my own family or close friends I no longer care about celebrity deaths. In fact, the last three famous deaths that got to me were:

• Johnny Cash - Country music legend. Died in 2003 at the age of 71 due to varying health problems.
• Syd Barrett - Original frontman/lead guitarist for Pink Floyd. Died in 2006 at the age of 60 from pancreatic cancer.
• Eddie Guererro - pro wres superstar. Died in 2005 at the age of 38 from a heart attack in his sleep (Enlarged heart due to steroid/prescription drug abuse.)

After those deaths and being slightly shook in this modern world, celebrity deaths no longer faze me. In fact, when Britney Spears pulls an eventual Andrea Yates on her kids and then is found dead with a dozen Hostess Ding Dongs shoved down her gullet, I'm not shedding one tear for her. Her kids, yeah, but not her.

R.I.P. Pam Barrett: Heaven needed a feisty socialist stuck in conservative Alberta.

For more details, click here.

R.I.P John Ferguson Jr's tenure as Toronto Maple Leafs general manager: Actually, not even Heaven wants you, Fergie... lol amirite?!

For most part, the drama seems to be over in the center of the Canadian hockey universe as embattled Leafs' GM John Ferguson Jr. was fired earlier this week. While former GM Cliff Fletcher has been instilled as an interim GM, this is not a permanent solution. In fact, if Maple Leafs Sports Entertainment would entertain my offer here, I'm sure I could prove more useful as a GM than ol Fergie boy. (Then again, a sexually confused mongoose would do a better job than he did.)

1. Hire former CIA agents who worked on the MKULTRA project in the 50s and 60s for scouting assignments.
2. Systematically kidnap best player on each team in the NHL.
3. Brainwash them into thinking they are now members of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
4. ????
5. PROFIT!

The ball is in your court gentlemen. Being a hockey GM has been one of my lifelong dreams. That, and the one involving Jessica Biel, assless chaps, and a container of Cool-Whip, but that is another dream for another time...