Alberta Votes 2008 Supplement - The REAL concerns challenge!

So for most parts, I remain undecided in the upcoming election. While every party can talk about either improving education, health care, roads, and cutting taxes, a lot of these things are irrelevant to me (Except the roads things, more on that later.). So, in order to help with my decision, I decided to draft an e-mail and send it off to each of the six major parties in Alberta. Herein lies the content of said e-mail:

"February 17, 2008.

To whom it may concern,

With the provincial election at its halfway mark and the only leaders debate occurring this Thursday, I find myself still undecided to which party I should cast my vote for. While everyone spouts off their respective rhetoric, it seems none of what is said affects me as an Albertan personally. I am a single male in his late 20s, therefore education and child care is not a priority in my life. I am fairly healthy, therefore health care is somewhat irrelevant to me. What my concerns are in this following letter, and how you answer them will help me decide to which party’s candidate I should lend my vote to on March 3:

1. Infrastructure/Winter Road Maintenance - Let’s face it, roads in Alberta range from “good” for major roads to “fair” for some of the not so major highways to “Oh my god! How did I not mess up my suspension system?!” for a good portion of the lesser paved roads. Plus in winter months, a lot of towns and cities seem to neglect removal of snow, assuming we all have 4-wheel drive vehicles. So, what would you party do to bring our highway system up to a universal standard of excellence? Also: would your party support either investing in climate control-based technology to limit snowfall or even the speeding up process of global warming so we eliminate winter altogether?

2. Crime – With a booming and prosperous economy we have enjoyed over the years, we have also seen a rise in criminal activity. Not just the violent crimes like murder, but petty crimes like break & entering, and crimes that seem to indicate the works of organized crime such as drug busts and even gang wars spilling into the streets. Now, while a provincial police force was laughed at and the current RCMPs seem to be unable to handle this crime explosion. Would your party endorse the concept of forming regional superheroes to patrol the major cities and various regions of the province?

3. ManBearPig – Half man, half bear, and half pig. As established by American political pundit Stephen Colbert, bears are a constant threat. Pigs were the smart animals that led the overthrow of Manor Farm in George Orwell’s allegorical Animal Farm. Man of course, is the most deadliest animal of all. Put all three together and we have a threat that is greater than can be imagined. Even former United States vice-president Al Gore has gone on record stating the seriousness of ManBearPig’s existence at this following link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_ASjFzi7J0. Now, what would your party do to protect the average Albertan from such a monstrosity?

4. Zombies – The living dead if you will. Movies over the years have shown them as a threat, and more recently, a zombie infestation in our beloved province was part of the plot in my short novella Apocalypse Wow! Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The End Of The World (Available upon request.). Also as someone who is in possession of Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide, I would be interested in picking your brains (Pun most definitely intended.) and see what your party would have in mind in handling a zombie infestation in Alberta.

This letter is being sent to all of the six major parties contending for governing our beloved province. Hence, I will be making my decision upon which candidate gets my vote on the March 3 election. Since we are past the half-way mark, a reply to my concerns will be greatly appreciated as the earliest convenience. Please reply by either e-mailing me back at daner79@shaw.ca or by written correspondence to my mailing address:

[ADDRESS DELETED TO PREVENT CRAZIES FROM CONTACTING ME IRL!]

Thank you for your time and consideration of my concerns."

I will update with replies once (and if) they become available. Although as of composing this message, the Wildrose Alliance Party replied back with an anti-spam message for me to click on so it can get through.

This story will be developing...