Alberta Votes 2008 - All Voting's Eve All Party Slam-a-thon!

So, it's the day before the 2008 general election here in Alberta and I had planned for a huge recap of the major parties' replies to my REAL concerns. Alas, only the Liberals had the courage to reply back, and WAP's policy committee must have been stumped by my concerns to the point where I believe they HAVE NO REAL PLANS AT ALL! And to top it all off, the only party I received any campaign propaganda from was the Tories. So in light of these developments (As well as being threatened by members of the Ukrainian Mafia, and they are like one of three things you don't fuck around with - The Illuminati and Batman being the remaining two) I have chosen to do this:

Fuck the Tories - You've been governing our province for nearly four decades and indeed it may be time for a change. Now, I like Ed Stelmach, but Eddie my boy, you are no Ralph Klein. Thankfully no one else is and that is why I intend to vote for your party on March 3. But heed my warnings, you're officially ON NOTICE~!


Fuck the Liberals - Okay, so you're the only party that addressed my concerns, does that make you think you get a free pass?! No way, brother! I don't trust Kevin Taft and I don't wish to see the Liberals spend all of the provinces jewgold, drive away the oil industry and eventually turn us into a have-not province!


Fuck the NDP - Seriously, we've seen what you did to B.C., Saskatchewan, and Ontario! We don't want your communist ways here. And Brian Mason trumpeting the woes of the common man makes me LOL because I'm pretty sure your tax-free salary isn't going towards bringing down the bourgeoisies of Alberta. That, and Dusty Rhodes did a better "common man" gimmick that you ever could achieve.


Fuck the Wildrose Alliance - You say you're a "right wing alternative" to the Tories, yet you show no real ideas. Face it, your type of conservativeness is dead. Maybe some embittered people will vote and you'll get some seats, but in the end you'll be outnumbered by the NDP, the Liberals, and your mother!

Fuck the Greens - Go smoke some more hash, hippies!

I would say "Fuck the SoCreds" here right about now, but they're totally irrelevant and gay. So they're not even worth that! I will be doing a real-time commentary of the results here tomorrow when the polls close, or commentary on the second hour of WWE Monday Night Raw, or a mash-up of the two. Either way, if you're living in Alberta tomorrow, vote or else Puff Daddy will kill ya!