How I spent my summer vacation (Or, "Holy fucking ass crackers! I forgot about this thing!!")

Real life is a very weird thing. Between real-life commitments, acquiring a PS3 and getting lost in the world of Grand Theft Auto IV, getting convinced to watch 2/3 of Joss Whedon's television canon, and just a little bit of lethargy on my part, you forget about some little things. Those little things are the fact I had this blog, and apparently run-on sentences too. But anyways, I'm back and hope to comment here on a more semi-regular basis.

So, without further adieu, here's some random thoughts on events that occured between my last post and now:

Summer Olympics in China- US swimmer Michael Phelps won like a whole bunch of gold medals, which will probably be overturned in like 20 years when it is revealed he really is Aquaman. The Chinese apparently cheated in gymnastics, bait and switched a little girl singing in the opening ceremony, and did other unscrupulous things to add to the stereotype that the Chinese can't be trusted (Especially the one that peed in my Coke many years ago.). And speaking of stereotypes, the Spanish mens' basketball team showed their sensitivity by having a team picture done with them doning "slant-eyes", because y'see the asians are all slant-eyed devils or something. Spain's official reply: "Me so solly!" And Canada kinda sucked until like the end when we won medals in important events like the trampoline and some crappy thing involving horses. Can't wait until Vancouver in 2010 so we get embarrased in the Winter Games.

Ride Greyhound and leave the beheading to us - Apparently some poor guy got stabbed and then beheaded on a Greyhound bus going between Edmonton and Winnipeg. So like all tragedys today, a Facebook group was set up for the poor victim and his family plans to sue Greyhound - as if they knew a crazed lunatic would be riding the bus.

Speaking of loonies - In my hometown, some mentally unbalanced man who got a speeding ticket from the RCMP decided to drive into town with a loaded shotgun and head to the detachment office here. Well, his wife tipped off the Mounties and much like the fate of Rasputin(as told in that song by Boney M), they shot him until he was dead("Oh, those Mounties...").

"'Listeria?!' I thought you said 'Listerine'!" - Canadian processed food giant Maple Leaf Foods is apparently trying to kill us. A couple weeks ago, a whole whack of meat products were recalled due to a very health-endagering bacterium was found in some of their fine products. While the blame could be placed on federal meat inspectors, the head of Maple Leaf decided to take one for the team with his "Oops... our bad" apology, and thus dooming the company in the series of class-action lawsuits to come... unless he pulls a Budd Dwyer.

So, does God not care about black people, too? - Legendary soul man and mac daddy of $cientology Issac Hayes died. Comedian Bernie Mac died. Morgan Freeman can add "Survive a fatal car accident" to his personal "bucket list". Cleary this is part of Barack Obama's ascension to the presidency/role of "Black Jesus". In the event that more African-Americans are needed to be sacrificed, I present a short list of five black people who need to be spared from such events:

1. Samuel L. Jackson
2. The cast of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
3. Avery Brooks
4. Flavor Flav
5. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Honorable mention goes to Freema Agyeman (Martha Jones on Doctor Who).

Speaking of "Black Jesus" - Barack Obama offically became the first African-Amercian candidate for the office of President of the United States. Possibly in a way to cater to disenfranchised women who thought Hillary Clinton deserved the Democrat nomination, Republican presidental hopeful John McCain picked Alaska govenor Sarah Palin as his vice-president/running mate/jerk-off material for neocons everywhere. I could go on about her lack of experience, giving birth to a downs child, and the fact her "abstinence only" method of sex ed led to her 17 year old daughter getting knocked up, but there is one thing I am scared of and that's a woman who knows how to operate powerful firearms:

"This is my rifle, these are my guns/This one's for fighting, these two are for fun..."

But at least American politics are interesting... - Because all signs in Canada point to a federal election happening in mid-October. And unlike our American neighbors, we lack any kind of monumental change in our political leaders (Which is ironic when you consider Canada is like totally open-minded and not full of racists and all that jazz.). The only thing that could make it interesting is the Green Party fighting for a spot in any televised leaders debate, despite the fact their leader doesn't have a seat in Parliament and their only M.P. was a former Liberal who was bribed into the party with the promise of delicious cake. And by "cake" I mean "lots and lots of pot!".

On second thought, I wish Putin was our leader - Russian president/dictator for life Vladimir Putin apparently saved a journalist from a fierce Siberian tiger by wrestling it. Putin is also apparently a real-life judoka (Practitioner of judo.) and I guess fighting tigers is how he passes time in between pWning breakaway former Soviet republics and calling out the U.S. and A.

And some parting words/questions - Amy Winehouse: please just OD already... Miley Cyrus, I don't get you at all or why you are popular... Madonna apparently invoked Godwin's Law on her new tour, probably just to try to remain relevant... And what's a "Kim Kardashian" anyways?