When you die, the last thing you see is The King...

Friday, October 31, 2008

NaNoWriMo/Apocalypse 2! Hype! MOAR! Teasers! Slight! Change! In! Title?!

In about 2 hours time as of writing this, it will be November and 30 days of insanity will follow as I work on creating a 50,000+ novel. Here is some more things to look forward for those that will be following along:
  • I am considering dropping the "Electric Boogaloo" part of the title since it was a joke that I don't really find all that funny as much. It could stay if I can't think of a more suitable title. Some idea I am tossing around:
  1. "It Ain't Seinfeld!" (Yes I know it's a possible chapter title, so it'll end up in here one way or another!)
  2. "How to Find Love in a Temporal Rift"
  3. "The Rise and Fall of the Saxon Empire"
  4. "Shattered Mirror"
  5. "The Erotic Misadventures of Dean Williams"
  • Listening to the soundtrack, I realize for most parts this is probably going a very depressing book with a lot of bad things happening to my protagonists.
  • Jason Saxon is a very complicated man, just look at his mix disk. I do plan him tormenting someone in the book with a plethora of his songs.
  • The Daring Foundation isn't going to be around much after the first part.
  • In the coming years, the Rickroll is a very dangerous form of terrorism.
Very short this time around. Come back in a few days when the actual novel begins*

*Unless the universe ends when Barack Obama becomes the next US President on Tuesday...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

NaNoWriMo/Apocalypse Wow! 2! Hype! Teaser Stuff! Some Chapter Titles Revealed!

Two more days! It is building up like a fever and the only cure is not cowbell, but starting to write down 50,000+ words in 30 days! Anyways, here's some things to look forward to in the coming month:
  • The tentative outline of the novel is as follow:
  1. Part 1 - Everything Changes
  2. Part 2 - The Year of Hell
  3. Part 3 - Timeshock
  • Bits and pieces from the "Stop Jason Saxon" blog will make appearances. Which ones and when will remain a mystery.
  • Chapter names will be a mix of songs used in the soundtrack as well as a few I'm tossing around such as:
  1. "It Ain't Seinfeld!"
  2. "Willow and Mercy's Semi-Erotic Excellent Adventure"
  3. Any variation of "x Did It!" where x = The Simpsons, South Park, Doctor Who, Back to the Future, etc.
  4. "????"
  5. "Profit!"
  • There will a couple of killed off characters who will be returing in book two. One will be only in briefly. The other one will be playing a more expanded role from his/her role in the previous story.
  • The amount of nerves going through me are just crazy. I hope I can equal my success from last year.
  • A couple of characters are gonna go through a major change, and it's not going to be through happy circumstances.
  • I am seriously considering doing either a chapter done in carny speak, or a musical chapter too.
That is all for now. Two more days! Woow!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

NaNoWriMo/Apocalypse Wow! 2! Hype! Soundtrack! Revealed!

In about three days, National Novel Writing Month begins and my contribution will be posted here along with some other behind-the-scenes stuff. Imagine if you could see what J.K. Rowling was going through while coming up with Harry Potter? Or that Mormon chick that wrote those vampire books (She is so burning in hell now. Was it worth it? lol)? Anyways, here is the planned "soundtrack" for Apocalypse Wow! 2! Electric Boogaloo:

Disc 1
  1. "God Bless This Mess" - Sheryl Crow
  2. "Glamorous" - Fergie feat. Ludacris
  3. "Electioneering" - Radiohead
  4. "The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning" - Smashing Pumpkins
  5. "Capital G" - Nine Inch Nails
  6. "Do The Evolution" - Pearl Jam
  7. "Perfect Sense, Parts 1 and 2(live version)" - Roger Waters
  8. "The Government Totally Sucks" - Tenacious D
  9. "Bulls On Parade" - Rage Against The Machine
  10. "The Wanderer" - U2 and Johnny Cash
  11. "Lonesome Day" - Bruce Springsteen
  12. "Line In The Sane" - Motorhead
  13. "Let Forever Be" - Chemical Brothers
  14. "The Shock Of The Lightning" - Oasis
  15. "I'm So Ronery" - from the Team America: World Police soundtrack
  16. "The Future" - Leonard Cohen
  17. "Walk Through The Fire" - from the "Once More, With Feeling" episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  18. "La Resistance" - from the South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut soundtrack
  19. "Times Like These (live version)" - Foo Fighters
Disc 2
  1. "Brain Damage" - Pink Floyd
  2. "Living In The Future" - John Prine
  3. "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" - Hotei Tomoyasu
  4. "Weapon" - Matthew Good
  5. "Everybody Hurts" - Paul Anka
  6. "Viva la Vida" - Coldplay
  7. "Helter Skelter"(Across the Universe Version) - Dana Fuchs
  8. "Cold Hard Bitch" - JET
  9. "I Can't Decide" - Scissor Sisters
  10. "Traveling Soldier" - Dixie Chicks
  11. "War Machine" - KISS
  12. "Folded Flags" - Roger Waters
  13. "Montage" - from the Team America: World Police soundtrack
  14. "Little Sister" - Queens of the Stone Age
  15. "Mosh" - Eminem
  16. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
  17. "Cold Day In The Sun" - Foo Fighters
  18. "New York Minute" - Don Henley
  19. "Two Suns In The Sunset" - Pink Floyd
Bonus Disc! Jason Saxon Mix Disc: Music to Rule the World With
  1. "Suspicious Minds" - Elvis Presley
  2. "Mr. Blue Sky" - Electric Light Orchestra
  3. "Helter Skelter" - The Beatles
  4. "Star Girl" - McFly
  5. "Bad Girlfriend" - Theory of a Deadman
  6. "I Can't Decide" - Scissor Sisters
  7. "We Didn't Start The Fire" - Billy Joel
  8. "Just" - Radiohead
  9. "I'm So Ronery" - from the Team America: World Police soundtrack
  10. "Hitsville UK" - The Clash
  11. "Fabulous" - from the High School Musical 2 soundtrack
  12. "Not Now John" - Pink Floyd
  13. "Sympathy For The Devil" - Rolling Stones
  14. "Baby Step Back" - Gordon Lightfoot
  15. "Claudette" - Roy Orbison
  16. "Big Time" - Peter Gabriel
  17. "Step Back In Time" - Kylie Minogue
  18. "Thunderball" - Tom Jones
  19. "Partyman" - Prince
  20. "Tusk" - Fleetwood Mac
I'll be back tomorrow with some teaser info. Hopefully...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Maybe there is hope for me after all...


World's fattest man gets married. (Pic is of the bride. Groom wouldn't fit in current resolution lolol)

She's pretty. I mean, I'm no George Clooney, but if Yokozuna Jr. can bag a nice piece of tail like that, maybe I can too.

Consider this my official gauntlet being thrown down: Salma Hayek, Emily Deschanel, or Billie Piper, one of you will be mine. Oh yes, one of you will be mine...

Jizzust Whizzat Thizze Wizzorld Nizzeed...

...aizznother Kizarny tizzeaser:



Mizzabye Izzle wizzll dizzo "Aizzpocalys Wizzow Tizzwo! Eizzlectric Bizzoolgaloo!" aizzle izzn kizarny spizzeak. Wizzon't thizzat bizze fizzun?

Monday, October 20, 2008

R.I.P. Mr. Blackwell

Heaven needed a crotchety old man with a rapier-like wit when it comes to dissing Hollywood's worst dressed. Now who's gonna pick up that mantle? I would myself, but sadly most of my barbs would probably come from one liners from Anchorman or something like "Hey Britney! Why don't you just go back to your home on Whore Island?!". See? And I think I topped myself there so I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Apocalypse Wow! 2! Preview!

Three years have passed since the events that occurred in the first part of what could become a very bizarre tradition. Alberta has somewhat recovered after a nuclear strike from Iran. A global recession and the fears of another terror attack still premiate the air of the western hemisphere. During this time, Dean Williams had since moved to Hollywood when the tales of the Alberta Incident became a box office success and now feels the pressure to continue the success with a new script while dealing with his insane fanbase, and demands from his wife Karen and their daughter Faith.

Meanwhile back in Canada, things are not the same as they were when Dean went Hollywood. While Dean’s friends Kevin Brody and Donnie Bellum (Now an owner of a multimillion dollar movie rental service via the internet) have not been on speaking terms since a falling out over the movie rights, Dr. Sarah Bellum has been covertly providing information to Kevin on all projects related to Section 31: a covert government agency. Safely secure on his northeastern Alberta homestead with his life partner - trigger happy Ariel Toroshenko-Brody - Kevin has outsourced a trio of hackers and social misfits to decode everything on Section 31 to learn more about their projects and their access to what appeared to be alien technology. And scrappy temp Ryan Jeffries has since died in combat duty.

So when the Williams’ come back for a speaking engagement, a gathering storm of events occur: crazy old people keep showing up urging them to “break the chain”. An ambitious, young, and charasmatic politician named Jason Saxon – the current minister of homeland and public security who is the midst of a leadership race within his party - seems more than anxious to speak the remainder of the so-called “Vegreville Six”, but what are his true intentions? With rumours circling of a major terror attack on the US and Canadian Government, what role will our heroes play? Is the world in further danger? What celebrities will be mocked/maimed/killed this time? How can I abuse time travel more than the third season of Heroes? And does this look infected? All these questions and more will be answered in a course of 30 days…. Except the infection. If you’re a doctor, could you please look at this before it gets worse?

p.s. Stop Jason Saxon!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Uhhh, whaa?!


There are days I still question I still follow the WWE. Then I come across this in a half-asleep state of mind and wonder if it actually existed. Thank god for YouTube. What is Kizarny supposed to be? An evil carny? I dunno man... then again, I hate carnies so this may work, or it may flop hilariously. And yet they still passed on "Global Dominotion" *facepalm.jpg*

(for the benefit of those who don't speak carny or Snoop Dogg, here is the transcript with the translation into proper english:

My name is Kizarny.(My name is Kizarny)
Wizelcome tizo tizhe cizarnival.(Welcome to the Carnival)
Lizots izof fizun.(Lots of fun)
My name is Kizarny(My name is Kizarny) )

Friday, October 17, 2008

Apocalyse Wow! 1! - Epilogue

Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.

One Year Later

“Yes, I know revenue is down, but I would imagine being in a rebuilding process would give us some leeway here.” Dean Williams, the new manager of the Vegreville Movie Gallery said during a call with Donnie Bellum, the new district manager of 4192.
“Hey, I tried my best and I was able to get this whole district off the new regional manager’s shit list, so cut me a little slack here, okay?” Donnie told Dean.
“I know, but maybe once people realize that Vegreville isn’t run by a bunch of plants that wish to rule the world then business will pick up.”
“Maybe so but as far as I know we all have six months to get revenue up or we’re all going to get it.”
“I know. Look, Ryan is coming in soon and I got him working with a new girl I hired so I got to explain some things to them that talked about during the conference call.”
“Yeah, about that - next time don’t pull that ‘That’s what she said’ crap during the calls. It’s hard for me to keep composure…”
“That’s what she said” Dean said with a smirk on his face.
Donnie sighed on the phone and said “God, and here I thought a promotion would change you.”
“It has somewhat.” Dean said. “But I should go here. Bye,” Dean said as he hung up the phone. A young woman with short brown hair walked into the store after Dean got off the phone. She identified herself as Jenna Martin, the first successful hire Dean had made since taking over as store manager.
“Well, Jenna, you’ll be working alongside Ryan tonight,” said Dean as he noticed his wife Karen drive up into the parking lot and walked into the store as well.
“Hey honey,” she said to Dean. “Are you just about done here?”
“Yeah, I’m just waiting on Ryan so I can tell him some stuff from the conference call and make sure he doesn’t run Jenna off.” Dean told Karen.
Ryan Jeffries then came into the store, quickly followed by Kevin. The two of them were in the middle of a conversation.
“… I still say you’re nuts!” Ryan said to Kevin.
“Look, you’re going into the air force in about a month’s time right? All I want from you is to get me some photo evidence that our lovely military is using alien designed aircraft and I’ll reward you with this.” Kevin said as he pulled out a slightly worn pocket phone book.
“What is that, exactly?” asked Ryan.
“My old contacts list of every woman I have ever been with, except the weirdos, unless necrophilia is your thing” Kevin said and then noticed a disgusted face from Jenna, “Oh, hi new temp!” he said to her?
Jenna looked confused. “What is his deal?” she asked.
Ryan shrugged his shoulders and said to Jenna “Eh, it’s just Kevin. He’s a bit of an ass, but he’ll be able to keep the store afloat in his porn rentals.”
“Okay, one – this ‘ass’ saved all of your lives here! And two, Ariel has kind of convinced that that pornographic films are degrading and that the women involved in their production are slowly dead on the inside.” Kevin stated.
“Geez, matrimonial life has changed you. It kind of scares me” said Dean.
“Please, I’m not ‘married’ like the two of you. Ariel agreed a piece of paper that says something means nothing as long as there is a common interest shared by couple.” Kevin defended himself.
“Well there is your three month-old daughter, so you’re in it for the long run, papa.” Karen said smiling.
“See? DNA is the ultimate common interest. It’s a fact.” Kevin said.
After Dean was done explaining things to Ryan, he interjected himself into the conversation. “Well, what else is keeping you within that relationship?”
Kevin smiled and said “We also like passionate, raw, and sweaty sex.”
“Yeah, that was something I didn’t need to hear about!” Jenna said.
“Trust me you’ll hear worse from him.” Dean said.
“Indeed young temp, indeed.” Kevin said to Jenna.
“Get used to that too until a new person comes along” said Ryan.
“And speaking of which, when are the two of you going to start contributing to repopulating our little town?” Kevin asked both Dean and Karen.
“Well, we’re hoping really soon, right Kare Bear?” Dean asked his wife.
“Sooner than you think,” Karen said. “Just got back from the doctor’s office and the home test were indeed accurate.”
Dean’s face beamed with delight as he and Karen hugged and kissed each other in celebration of the great news.
“Ugh, see this is why public displays of affection need to be outlawed” said Kevin.
“Oh, by the way, the Wainwright manager challenged me to a curling game” Dean said. “Care to assist us in pwning their asses?” he asked Kevin.
“Only if Ariel is allowed on the team,” said Kevin.
“And only if she tones it down and not attack the opposing team” insisted Karen.
“Look it was just that one time and that skip was asking for it!” Kevin protested.
“And that is why we were banned from the local curling club…” Dean said as he, Karen, and Kevin all walked out together. Jenna looked at the three of them and asked Ryan “Are they that nuts all the time?”
“Not all the time,” Ryan answered back. “But yeah, the more things change, the more they stay the same.”
“I guess that’s the price for saving the world, huh?” Jenna followed up with that question.
“Indeed” said Ryan. “Indeed it is. But you would have to be a little bit crazy to fully understand what we all went through within the last year.”
“I heard the stories. Did they really meet David Tennant? I think he’s dreamy!”
Ryan just shook his head and said “I don’t know. They said there were some things that they would never talk about, and I think that may have been one of them. But don’t mention that to Kevin, he’ll go on and on about something that is too much for anyone can handle.”
“Well like you said,” Jenna smiled and said “The more things change…”

Apocalypse Wow! 1! - Part 3, Chapter 23

Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: ENDGAME. OR, IN WHICH SECTION 31 TRIES TO STRIKE BACK, DOCTOR SARAH BELLUM HANDS IN HER RESIGNATION AND SOMEONE MAKES A GRAND SACRIFICE!

Flash - Ah - Saviour of the universe/Flash - Ah - He'll save every one of us/
Flash - Ah - He's a miracle/Flash - Ah - King of the impossible/He's for every one of us/Stand for every one of us/He'll save with a mighty hand/Every man every woman every child/With a mighty Flash” - Queen, “Flash (Flash’s Theme)"


We've seen our share of ups and downs/Oh how quickly life can turn around in an instant/
It feels so good to reunite/Within yourself and within your mind/Let's find peace there/

When you are with me/I'm free...I'm careless...I believe/Above all the others we'll fly/
This brings tears to my eyes/My sacrifice” - Creed, “My Sacrifice

Dean Williams gingerly walked out of the emergency room doors with Penny Fields and Karen Anderson flanking him on either side. The trio made their way to Dean’s Explorer and promptly got inside of it.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Karen asked Dean as Penny quickly made sure that there were at least some guns left behind before Ariel broke away from them to go on her own mission.
“All my life I’ve been afraid of doing things,” Dean said. “Right now is not the time to be as such. Karen, while I was lying back there in the hospital ward, I made a promise to myself to make sure to do whatever I can to fight for things I believe in and to not be afraid anymore of difficulties that come my way. And with that, we’re going to get everyone out of here and when it is all said and done, you and I are going on a long trip together – just the two of us. And instead of surprise you then in the event we should all perish, Karen, I want you to marry me.”
Karen looked surprised by Dean’s proposal. “If we live through this, hell, marriage doesn’t seem that bad all of the sudden.” Karen said with a huge smile on her face. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
Dean’s face went from joyous to serious within seconds when his cell phone rang. “Hello?” he said into it after answering it.
“Oh good, you’re alive!” the voice on the other side said. The voice belonged to Ryan. “Listen, Ariel busted me out of the research council and I assume she is going to do the same for Kevin and Donnie.”
“Don’t worry Ryan, we’re coming right now.” Dean said.
“Actually, Ariel instructed me to tell you to get out of Edmonton and don’t look back or something along those lines” said Ryan.
“Fuck that! We’re coming after you all and then we’re getting out of here.”
“Well, who thinks Donnie is going to come with us since they’re giving him and his wife immunity?”
Dean looked puzzled and then said to Ryan “I guess we’re going to come and let them know that it is expired!” Dean then hung up and turned the key to get his SUV running. “I think you ladies better get ready because we may be going into a war zone!” said Dean as he began to drive off.

Julia Katz - along with Doctor Sarah Bellum - watched from the safety of a secured office the carnage caused by Ariel’s attack. “Such a pointless waste of time it all was” Julia said.
Sarah looked confused by her boss’s statement. “What do you mean?” she asked Julia.
“All she seemed to do now is aggravate Miss Sloane.” Julia stated matter-of-factly. The phone in the office rang, which Julia quickly went to pick it up. “Yes?” she said. “Why do you wish to do that? They’re still alive? Is unleashing the population that wise of an idea? They’re still showing massive damage to their cerebral cortexes. Very well then, Miss Sloane” Julia said as she hung up the phone “I’m sorry to do this,” she said to Sarah as she pushed a button and on some of the monitors showed a large number of people, walking in unison, marching out of what appeared to be a warehouse.
“What is going on here?” asked Sarah.
“A device we have been using to repair the city had an unfortunate side effect. It turned everyone’s brain into mush and Section 31 decided to exploit it for their own needs and developed them into easily disposable foot soldiers.”
“’Easily disposable?’” Sarah said looking shocked. “We’re not supposed to be involved with this! We’re researchers, not mad scientists!”
“Look, our funding was getting cut. Section 31 came along with their money and offered us free reign to continue our jobs here. Whether you like it or not, you owe your life to Section 31 right about now. And your job too if I may add.”
Sarah then looked at Julia, looked at the marching army of mindless drones, and slapped her boss across the face. “Consider this my resignation!” Sarah said as she quickly ran out of the room.
“Shall we pursue her?” a guardsman asked Julia. Trying to forget the sting of the slap, Julia simply looked and sighed. “No. If she doesn’t get mauled by the zombie army out there first, then you can shoot her.”

Ariel Toroshenko pulled up on her pants and secured them back on her person. As she put on the bullet-proof vest she secured earlier, Kevin finished getting dressed from using the clothing from the guard that Ariel had shot. Despite spending the last twenty minutes or so screwing like animals, Kevin looked a little unsure and aloof. Ariel also noticed the look on Kevin’s face and asked him “What’s wrong? I wasn’t that bad, was I?”
Kevin looked at her and replied back with “Oh no, you were magnificent. It’s just, I don’t know, coming back here to Edmonton; I thought we could have saved it from whatever. Seeing what could very well be an illusion and plus possibly losing my best friend. I may have gained a new love in you, but all I thought I was fighting for seems to be lost.”
Ariel put both her hands on the side of Kevin’s head and looked deep into his eyes. “Then fight with me and fight for a new Edmonton” she said as she handed Kevin her most reliable weapon, her shotgun.
“I have a bigger motivating factor here,” Kevin said, cocking the gun. “Revenge!”
Kevin walked over to the door and opened it. “That works just as well” Ariel said as she followed behind him.

Dean stopped short near the offices of the Alberta Research Council. Penny stepped out of the Explorer, assault riffle in hand. Karen was the next to step out, brandishing her sword. They were quickly joined by Ryan Jeffries.
“I thought you were running off.” Dean said to Ryan.
“I was until I hit a little snag.” Ryan said.
“What snag?” asked Karen. Ryan then looked at a massive gathering of people running towards them. “That snag” Ryan said in a deadpan way.
“I don’t think ‘Thriller’ is going to calm that mob down.” Karen said.
“Then we go on through them! Show no mercy!” Penny screamed.
“Jesus, what is it with you chicks with guns being so crazy?” Ryan said while shaking his head.

Doctor Sarah Bellum frantically ran down the halls, trying to remember where Donnie and Hailey were being secured. Not looking where she was running, Sarah bumped into Ariel and Kevin.
“Well doc, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Kevin said.
Sarah talked despite being short of breath “We don’t have much time. They unleashed a horde of what I could best describe as zombies and…”
Kevin interrupted Sarah and told her “…Okay, look? Ariel, take the doc here and get her family out of here. I got a little score to settle with both of your employers here.”
“But – what about us?” Ariel asked
“Right now, I want you to get everyone out of here and I’ll join you as soon as I can.” Kevin said as he passionately kissed Ariel.
“Okay, be safe out there” Ariel said.
“You too firecracker. You too.” Kevin said to Ariel. Then Kevin looked at Sarah: “Now doc, tell me something – did they ever tell you something about a temporal replacement device and where it could be on this little compound of yours?”
“I think I heard it is the basement, but I could be wrong.” Sarah answered.
“It’s a start” said Kevin. “Now you two, get going!”

Dean drove his Explorer through the mob of zombies, who seemed fearless in the pursuit. Penny and Ryan, hanging out of each side of the SUV, mowed down as many of them as they could so Dean could get a clear path through the parking lot.
“Keep firing! Maybe if we kill enough of them, it’ll make it easier to get out of here period!” ordered Penny.
“Is this the song you wanted?” Karen asked Dean while playing with her own iPod.
“Yes!” exclaimed Dean. “I’m sure Kevin would approve of it!”
Karen placed her iPod into the adapter as Queen’s “Flash” began to play through the speakers.
“What is it with you guys and music?” Ryan asked as he pegged off a zombie that had almost its hand through the window. “Kevin insisted on playing that faggy ‘Touch’ song too!”
“Because music makes the people come together, young man!” Dean said as his Explorer came to a screeching halt in front of the doors of the main building.
“Now what do we do?” Karen asked.
“We go in, rescue everyone and get the fuck outta dodge!” Dean said excitedly.

Ariel and Sarah search all over the one level for Donnie and Hailey. “Are you sure they’re still here?” asked Ariel.
“They better be” Sarah said. “They were guaranteed to be safe within these walls.”
Ariel opened one door to reveal Donnie, playing with his daughter. Sarah ran in and hugged her husband while Ariel stood by with a little bit of a tear running down her eyes.
“I thought we’d never see you again!” Donnie said with a huge amount of relief in his voice.
“Same here, but I don’t know how we’re going to get out of here.” Sarah said with the realization that it was going to be hard to do so. Just then, Ariel’s cell phone rang and she answered it right away. “Hello?” she said.
“Thank god! You’re still alive!” the voice said and it sounded like it was ghost to Ariel because the voice belonged to Dean.
“Oh my god, you’re alive! Wait until I tell Kev…”
“There isn’t much time. We’re barely holding onto keeping an army of zombies at bay here and we could use some help here.”
“But Kevin is still in here somewhere.
“I’m sure he’ll find a way out! Is Donnie and Sarah there?”
“Yeah.”
“Bring them with you and let’s get out of here right away! We’re at the main entrance! Hurry…” Dean said as he hung up.
Ariel looked a little annoyed at the order given to her by Dean, but knew they needed the support if what he said was true. “Okay, let’s go! Stay behind me as much as you can!” Ariel instructed to the Bellums as they begun their trek to the front of the building.

Kevin Brody made his way down to the basement in a service elevator. Once he hit the floor he desired, the doors opened to reveal what appeared to be a giant glowing sphere. At the base of the sphere were both Julia Katz and the mysterious Sloane. Kevin approached the ladies, but was cut off by a set of guards.
“Well, well, Mister Brody.” Sloane said. “I don’t know how you escaped, but believe me whomever helped you escape will be dealt with immediately.”
“Forget it, lady!” Kevin said to Sloane. “You kicked me, punched me, and were about to shock my balls. You had this coming!”
“Really now Mister Brody, what makes you think you are getting out of here alive?” asked Sloane. “The device here is at critical mass and not only will its explosion destroy this building and everything within a ten mile radius. It will restore Edmonton to it devastated past. All of our work will be lost and everyone you care and love will be dead as well.”
Kevin grabbed the two guards who surrounded him and knocked their heads together. He then pulled out the shotgun Ariel gave him and promptly shot Sloane dead.
“I wish you hadn’t done that. She was the only one who knew how this machine worked that is down here” said Julia without a hint of remorse or sorrow after Sloane’s death.
“You’ll forgive me if I don’t shed a tear” said Kevin rather coldly. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to try and figure this thing out and save us all.”

Ariel led the Bellums to the front doorways where they saw Ryan and Penny doing their best to hold back the raging army. Dean noticed their arrival and quickly waved them to get into his Explorer. Ryan and Penny began to fall back.
“Go with them!” Penny ordered Ryan.
“Wait, what? Why?” Ryan asked.
“Go! I’ll do my best to hold them off! You all get out of here! Oh, and tell Dean I’m sorry about six years ago! I hope this will make up for my little faux pas back then!” Penny shouted back as Ryan got inside the Explorer.
“Okay, let’s go” Ryan told Dean.
“What about Penny?” Karen asked.
“She’s going to hold off the zombies” said Ryan. “She said it was her way of making up for calling you ‘Dan’ so many years ago” he said to Dean.
“Great, now I’m the one whose going to feel bad” Dean lamented as he drove away through the mob, which seemed to turn their attention to Penny and no longer interested in his Explorer. Driving away, Dean saw in the rear-view mirror what would become Penny Field’s last stand. Penny did her best to hold off the horde, but they swarmed her immediately and all hope seemed lost for her.

With warning lights flashing off and on, Kevin tried to concentrate on shutting down the temporal realignment device. Every button and switch he flicked seemed to be all in naught. Frustrated, Kevin took the shotgun out and shot the main control panel.
“Complete system failure in one minute” flashed on the monitor before totally shorting out. Knowing it was impossible to truly escape, Kevin sat down, pulled out his cell phone, and sent out text message “Tell our moms we did our best” Kevin said as he sat down, resigned to his fate. While the one remaining computer monitor showed the countdown. Kevin looked to the ceiling hoping for a miracle to come along…
The miracle came with a flash of light that coincided with the last second ticking on the monitor. Kevin Brody found himself at the Vegreville Movie Gallery.
“Another sacrifice was made.” Dean Williams said. “We do not need this one too.”
Kevin looked at his friend. “Dean? Is it true? Are we both, you know, dead?”
Doctor Sarah Bellum looked at Kevin and said “He was not the one either.”
Ariel Toroshenko, sitting at a table in the Rose Bowl looked delighted. “The one known as Penny gave her life so you all may live.”
Kevin looked relieved. “But the explosion, the temporal realignment device, it went off and I’m dead right?”
Martha Jones and The Doctor appeared in front of the TARDIS. “Her sacrifice delayed what would have been inevitable” said Martha.
“All that was changed slightly but the outcome was still maintained.” The Doctor said.
“I don’t understand. Is everything truly back to normal?” asked Kevin.
“We cannot change what has happened.” Rose Tyler said.
“To do so would be a violation of our ways and laws.” Donnie Bellum said solemnly.
“So, that is it? Edmonton will never be the same, Penny is dead and I continue to live? Seems like an unfair trade off to me.” Kevin insisted.
“Restoration is up to you all now.” Joanne Carlson told Kevin. “We thought trying to assist your citizens would have been beneficial.”
Penny Fields appeared next and told Kevin “But we were foolish to allow our technology to fall into your hands. Now we have concluded you are the only ones who can truly control your own destiny.”
Kevin tried to speak “But…”

A bright light engulfed the entire Edmonton compound of the Alberta Research Council. Everyone and everything was gone from there as the light engulfed the entire city, only to reveal its now true form. A city in ruins.

Kevin woke up in the middle of a street, lying on the ground. A familiar green Explorer screeched to a halt before hitting him.
“Jesus Christ man!” Dean said as he popped his head out from the driver side window. Ariel hopped out of the vehicle and jumped right into Kevin’s arms.
“Anyone care to tell me what the hell has gone on here?” Donnie asked openly to anyone willing to answer him. Kevin simply looked at Edmonton. A city that was on the edge of forever now laid in ruins. They were right in that saying Edmonton would be restored to its devastative state. And all it cost for Kevin to live on was the sacrifice made by Penny Fields.
“It’s a long story.” Kevin said, wrapping his arm around Ariel’s shoulder as he made his way into the Explorer. “And I don’t think you’d believe it or understand it Donnie.”

Apocalypse Wow! 1! - Part 3, Chapter 22

Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrites are used in a fictitious and paroidc manner.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: BREAK-IN CITY AND LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! OR, IN WHICH ARIEL RESCUES KEVIN AND RYAN FROM SECTION 31 AND DOES SOMETHING ELSE SHOCKING TOO!

I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum.” - Nada from “They Live”

Push me again/this is the end./One - Nothing wrong with me/Two - Nothing wrong with me/Three - Nothing wrong with me/Four - Nothing wrong with me/One - Something's got to give/Two - Something's got to give/Three - Something's got to give now/Let the bodies hit the floor.” - Drowning Pool, “Bodies”

Ariel Toroshenko stood outside of the main compound that her reluctant hostage named Higgins directed and identified as the Edmonton branch of the Alberta Research Council, and in a way, where Section 31 has set up their operations. Ariel gently dropped a huge duffle bag she brought along with her and then bent down to unzip it to reveal its contents.
“Tell me, tough guy,” Ariel said to her uneasy bargaining chip Higgins, “You wouldn’t happen to have a Kevlar vest on ya, do you?”
“Y-yes” said Higgins nervously.
“Take it off now and hand it over to me!” Ariel ordered him. Unsure why she would ask for that particular item yet unsure about the continuation of his life Higgins followed the command and took the vest off. He then left it on the ground near Ariel, who had removed her green shirt and promptly put on the vest. The brief glimpse of Ariel’s naked torso did stir some feelings inside Higgins, and if he were not totally scared over the fact she could kill him within seconds, he could have had some fun with her bare breasts. Ariel then put her shirt on top over the vest and began to pull out a box of ammo and the appropriate firearms she would need for the next step in her plan.
“Okay, why are you doing this?” Higgins nervously asked, once again fearing over the fact the wrong thing said to her would make her snap.
“Because little man,” Ariel said while adding bullets into an Uzi-style machine gun. “All of my life I have ran away from my problems. Ever since all of this shit went down, all we kept doing was running away. Well, I ran away from a major problem caused by a genius like you many years ago, and doing so really fucked things up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“See, I’ve always known this day would come. It was always on the mind of my father since he was discharged from the army. You see, once upon a time, a group of so-called smart people that may be unlike your little group here decided it would be fun for shits and giggles to test experimental biological and chemical weapons on humans. Sadly, one of those poor saps was my father, and he was never ever the same again. You see, I always thought his ramblings of a shadowy body within our own government were just pure horseshit. I always thought his belief that the world was going down into the fiery pits of hell was just a byproduct of having various neurotoxins going through his brain, so it would be okay to shrug it off and say ‘Oh, that’s just Old Weird Harold being his usual self. He was such a weirdo or should I say Beardo amirite?’” Ariel said and then laughed a little manically. After she was done laughing, Ariel went on “So yeah, I know all about your little Section 31. You may not have been around when my dad was in the army, but the fact is your type has always been around and maybe under different names.”
“Honestly, I didn’t even want to be a part of any of this,” Higgins said hoping that his newfound guilt would ease her off.
“Oh it’s not that simple.” Ariel said as she loaded what appeared to be a small handgun. “While I barely know those people in there I’m about to try and liberate from in there, I do know for a fact they don’t need to live the life I did. I don’t need the gawky family man in there to become deranged to the point where he neuters his own retarded son so he doesn’t spread an alleged defective gene down the line. I don’t need the hairy little guy to control his daughter to the point that she runs away only to realize afterwards she is the responsible one and needs to do her damnedest to protect the remainder of her family. And more importantly, I need to tell Kevin something that he may not be fully prepared to hear yet. Something I regretted telling him a long time ago and after seeing that other geek friend of his work out a little quandary with the bitch who forgot his name and his current steady-as-a-rock woman, I realized how important first impressions on the ones who you may love after all.”
“What are you going on about now?” Higgins asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry, was I asking for your input?” Ariel snapped back him.
“Well, why were you going on and on about stuff I myself really don’t care about if my opinion doesn’t really matter to you?”
“Because you fucking twit you need to understand the high cost of working for people like this Section 31!”
“It’s only a job. Trust me when I say I’m like a low-rung peon! I’m merely a soldier following orders-“
“Yeah I know it’s only a job and blah blah blah!” Ariel said after interrupting Higgins. “Yet you seemed to go on your own terms when you shot one of my acquaintances back there, right?”
“It was a mistake. I thought I would try and redeem myself by taking you here!” Higgins insisted.
“And I am grateful for that,” Ariel said as she finished arming herself with enough weapons to take on a small militia. “And another thing I’m grateful for is that for all of his insane babblings and eccentric behaviors my father did one thing right with me…”
“Do I dare ask what that is, or is that still none of my concerns?” asked Higgins. Ariel just looked at him and smiled. “He taught me how to handle any and all kinds of firearms,” she said while cocking a small handgun.
“You do realize they will shoot you on sight once you breach their perimeters. The only reason we backed off at the university there was because I assured them the rest of your party was already terminated.” Higgins stated.
“Well, if I die, then I die and go down in a blaze of glory. Like I said, I’m tired of running and I’m tired of feeling completely powerless. Now, you’re going to take me down to the entranceway there and I’m going on from there. Afterwards, you’re free to go.”
“How will you know where to find your friends here?” asked Higgins.
Ariel just smiled and said “Trust me, I can be very persuasive.”

Higgins wasn’t sure how Ariel’s plan was going to work. It was simple enough though. Higgins was to act as if he captured Ariel, she overpowers the two guards at the main entrance and then she makes her way in and Higgins either runs off or probably ends up getting shot for betraying Section 31. Yet again, Higgins was afraid of this red-headed spitfire, who clearly would have no qualms ending his life right on the spot. All he had to hope now is that Ariel, who was wearing a long brown trench coat in order to conceal the miniature weapons depot she was walking around, would not blow the cover right away. The two of them made their way towards the entrance of the main building. Two guards at the door motioned for them to stop which Higgins and Ariel did promptly.
“Identify yourself,” one of the guards ordered.
“Higgins. Serial Number 8472 dash 43 B” Higgins said. “I’m bringing in one of the people from the University extraction operation.”
The second guard said, “Wait a minute. Were there not any survivors from that operation?”
“This one I pursued myself.” Higgins said. “She was the first to open fire on us.”
The first guard then said, “Wait, weren’t you the guy who called it off in the first place?”
Higgins looked nervous, knowing that perhaps the jig was up. He stammered in his speaking until Ariel opened up her coat and pulled out her trusty shotgun and within seconds took both of the guards’ heads off.
“Oh great, like that isn’t going to garner any attention!” Higgins said sarcastically.
“Our cover was blown!” Ariel shouted at Higgins. “Now go, because it is going to get messy in here. Blood is on the menu, and you dear Higgins, are both a pussy and a vegetarian!”
Higgins nodded nervously and did indeed promptly run away. Ariel just chuckled to herself as she opened the door. “If the rest of Section 31’s goon squad are just as wimpy as he was, this may not be much of a challenge after all,” she said aloud.

Room 4-G was where Kevin Brody was now being held. Completely naked, Kevin was shackled standing up almost like a side of beef hanging to freeze dry. Sloane then walked into the room, flanked by two guards. Another guard was behind them, pushing a meal tray cart with what appeared to be a car battery on top with booster cables attached to the posts on top of it.
“I think the garage is four levels down guys.” Kevin said. Sloane simply gave him a cold look as she walked towards him.
“Always with the wit,” she said as she slid her leather-gloved hand down the front of his bare chest to his genitals, only to violently grab them, causing Kevin to scream in pan. “Even when knowing some bad things are going to happen to you.”
Kevin, fighting back tears of pain, screamed, “You really need a less masochistic hobby!”
Sloane chuckled and walked over to the battery. “Perhaps you’re right. My late boyfriend did complain of things getting a little too… rough for him. Maybe in hindsight, using ‘kumquat’ as a safety word was in poor taste and ill-advised. Why I have told you this? I don’t know. All I know right now is that you are both a nuisance and a man who now knows too much.”
“So, you’re going to do what exactly?” Kevin asked.
Sloane just smiled at Kevin, holding one of the cables in her hand, and gently tapped the attachment to a piece of metal that gave off a spark of electricity. “Some people say I am sick in the head. Do you think I’m sick, Mister Brody?” she asked Kevin.
“Honestly, you’re not even in my top ten of sick women.” Kevin said.
“Pity,” said Sloane, who put the cable back on the cart. “Because once we are done here, you will find out how twisted I really am.” However, Sloane little speech was interrupted as an alarm in the room began to sound off. Looking annoyed, Sloane pulled out a walkie-talkie from her coat and barked into it “What is going on out there?”
A male voice was heard reply back in between the static of the radio. “Someone’s breached out perimeter. We’re under heavy fire!”
“How many are there?” Sloane sneered back into the radio.
“From early reports, its one female - red hair and heavily armed!” the male voice replied back.
Thank Christ! It has to be Ariel, right? Kevin thought to himself. The news however did not seem to make Sloane happy. “Is that the same one from the aborted U of A mission?” she asked back.
“Hard to say, ma’am!” the male voice replied. “All I know is we’re under heavy fire and…” the transmission ended prematurely as Sloane showed her first real sign of emotion by angrily tossing the hand-held communication device against the wall. “Must I do everything myself?” she said being rather annoyed. “Keep him here!” Sloane ordered two of the troops in the room, pointing to Kevin. She looked at the other two soldiers and said “You, come with me! We’re going to solve this problem ourselves!”

Ariel felt like she was six years old again - learning to hunt gophers with her father - as she took on the armed members of Section 31. One by one, they kept coming at her and they all went down to Ariel’s quickness and sniper-like accuracy. It was not simply gun-and-run in Ariel’s game plan, she was also kicking in doors, looking for any signs of Kevin or Ryan or even the Bellums. She finally had some luck after gunning down two guards in front of a door and opened to reveal Ryan Jeffries, who was simply tied to a chair.
“Oh great, the crazy one gets to rescue me.” Ryan said rather unenthused.
“Well, if you want, I can just leave you here then!” Ariel said to Ryan as she untied him from the chair.
“Actually, if it means getting out of here, I’d go with the devil himself.”
“Whatever it takes, stumpy!” Ariel said as she grabbed Ryan by the hand and pulled him out of the room. “Now, where’s Kevin?”
“I dunno, last time I saw him we were in this room and he was taken elsewhere.”
“Great! Looks like you’re coming with me stumpy!” Ariel said as they stepped over a few of the fallen Section 31 troops.
“Suddenly, I miss Kevin calling me ‘Temp’ now.” Ryan said, rolling his eyes. Ariel motioned for Ryan to follow her as she kept on her search for Kevin.

The two guards inside Room 4-G remained in there as ordered by Sloane. “I don’t see the point of staying here,” one guard said. “He ain’t going anywhere!”
“I dunno either,” said the second guard. “Looking at his naked body, I dunno, it may kind of turn me gay.”
“I’m still conscious here, shitheads!” Kevin said perturbed.
“Shut up, you!” the first guard said after ramming the end of his gun into the side of Kevin’s ribs. “I just don’t see why Sloane just doesn’t kill him period. Why go through this entire elaborate scheme to torture him?”
“Stalling for time? Or stretching the outcome of something?” asked the second guard.
“Oh will you stop!” the first guard said.
“Nice Gorilla Monsoon impersonation there.” Kevin said, coughing and trying to regain the wind back.
“Maybe we should just kill him now,” the first guard said.
The second guard spoke “But Sloane said…”
Mocking him, the first guard said “’But Sloane said wah wah wah! Why don’t you just marry her then if you love following her around so much?”
“Dude, she is going to electrocute this guy here by his balls and apparently killed her last boyfriend in a freakish bedroom accident. The girl’s got issues!” the second guard said.
“So you’re both afraid of mistress Sloane, huh?” Kevin said. “Does she administer spankings to all those who disobey her too?”
The first guard pulled out a hand gun and held it against Kevin’s throat. “Just give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just ice you now, motherfucker!” Luckily for Kevin at that time, the door opened again. Only this time to reveal a voice he thought he would never hear again.
“Because, ha ha, you’re the one whose getting iced, motherfucker!” The guard turned around and the last sight he saw was Ariel, machine gun in hand, firing away at him. The second guard just looked and ran away. “The thirty grand ain’t worth dying for here!” he said as he ran away.
“You let that one live.” Ryan said, popping up from behind Ariel.
“Oh thank god, never thought I’d say this, but I’m glad you’re here, temp!” Kevin said.
“What about me? I’m the one who risked my ass to save yours!” Ariel said as she went to release Kevin from the shackles that kept him trapped there.
“I’m more than grateful. Now, does this mean Dean and company are still alive?” Kevin asked.
Ariel looked at him and said “I don’t know. Dean took a bullet and I know the grunt and the paramedic tried to patch him up. Whether they were successful or not, I have no clue.”
“Could you at least put some clothes on or something? I don’t what could be my last image to be seeing your member.” Ryan said while shielding his eyes.
“Actually,” Ariel looked at Ryan and tossed him an AK-47. “Get out of here! Take one of their cars and head back to the U of A! Let them know to run and get out of Edmonton right away!”
“Sounds like the smartest thing you’ve said.” Ryan said.
“Good luck, temp!” Kevin said as Ryan quickly ran off. Kevin then looked at Ariel and told her “Now help me get buddy’s clothes off here because I don’t want to run around here naked for too long.”
Ariel walked over to the door and locked it. She dropped her guns to the ground and simply smiled. Kevin looked back at her and asked “Shouldn’t we get going here? I’m pretty sure Section 31 is going to be pissed and come here in full force.”
“In a moment,” Ariel said. “But first I need to tell you something.”
Trying to walk despite being in pain, Kevin bent down to drag the deceased guard over to the wall. “What exactly do you want to tell me?”
Ariel simply stared at Kevin, looking at the various bumps and bruises he surely endured from his time being held captive. “You poor thing,” Ariel said as she walked over to where Kevin was standing and gently massaged his shoulders, which were sore from being strung up. She whispered softly in his ears. “I want you, right now.”
Kevin looked confused. “Want me for what exactly?” he asked as Ariel moved from Kevin’s backside to his front and gently laid him down on the floor. Ariel then straddled herself over Kevin and leaned into him. “Father would have never approved of this, but to hell with him now,” she said softly as she kissed Kevin full on the lips. “You think this room is being monitored?” she asked.
“More than likely” said Kevin.
“Well then,” Ariel said as she removed her top and bullet-proof vest. “Let’s give them a show they’ll never forget then.”


Apocalypse Wow! 1! - Part 3, Chapter 21

Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: SILENT LUCIDITY. OR, IN WHICH DEAN HAS WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE AND THINGS GET WEIRD FOR HIM.


There's a place I like to hide/A doorway that I run through in the night/Relax child, you were there/But only didn't realize and you were scared/It's a place where you will learn/To face your fears retrace the years/And ride the whims of your mind/Commanding in another world/Suddenly you hear and see/This magic new dimension/I-will be watching over you/I - I'm gonna help you see it though/I - will protect you in the night/I - I'm smiling next to you in silent lucidity” - Queensryche, “Silent Lucidity”

“All we can do now is wait and see” Penny said with a deep sigh of relief. Being on the University grounds did prove to be advantageous for her and Karen to treat Dean’s stomach wound. While she trained to treat battlefield wounds, Penny wasn’t sure if she was able to be successful in stopping any or all of the potential internal bleeding caused by the bullet that got Dean in the stomach. Karen paced back and forth, knowing she did that all she could do, and despite having that sinking feeling of déjà vu – all she could do now was what Penny said. Wait and see.

Dean Williams laid in the abandoned emergency ward, feeling tired and week. He closed his eyes…

Back at Movie Gallery, Donnie Bellum looked at Dean. “He is not a part of the outcome,” said Donnie. “His passing may or may not be a factor in the game.”
Joanne Carlson also looked at Donnie, then at Dean, and said “Not a major part of the game, no, but his existence must be prolonged so we can ensure the outcome is right.”
Dean found himself back at his childhood home. Both his parents looked at him and his father first spoke, “He is insignificant and useless to the game!”
His mother stood in defense and said, “Yet he does have a significant role in things to come.”
Dean looked around and was confused as to what was going on. “Am I dead? Am I being judged on all of my actions in my life?” He finds himself in his current apartment in Vegreville with Kevin, Karen, and Penny all sitting in the living room area.
“He tried to keep us on the right path,” said Kevin.
“Does he know as much as the other part of the game?” asked Penny.
“All I know is he must go on in the game,” said Karen.
“Well, I’m glad someone here has faith in me!” Dean exclaimed “But what is that game you keep referring to?”
A university professor in a lecture hall said “He is full of questions like the other one we spoke to.”
Sarah Bellum, holding her daughter Hailey spoke from behind Dean, while sitting in the lecture hall’s seating area. “But he is full of doubt,” she said.
“Well of course I am!” Dean said. “It’s not everyday a nuclear bomb strikes and I take a bullet in my stomach while foolishly trying to defend my girlfriend.”
Back at the Rose Bowl, Kevin and Karen sat at a table. “It was a noble act indeed,” said Karen.
“But an act that could have prematurely taken him out of the game,” a passing by waitress said.
“So, was I to let it hit Karen and let her die?” Dean asked.
His father appeared again. “Quitting would have been easier,” he said to Dean.
“But he now has things to live for,” his mother said again in Dean’s defense.
“Look, if my living is important to whatever this game you refer to, then let me live, dammit!” Dean said to his mother.
“He shows determination,” said Donnie
“He could change the outcome of the game if he lives,” said Joanne.
Ryan Jeffries, together with Ariel Toroshenko, showed up also at a table at the Rose Bowl. “I thought we concluded the outcome should play through?” asked Ryan.
“Perhaps these people do not like things to be predetermined for them?” asked Ariel.
“Exactly,” Dean said, sitting across from Ryan and Ariel. “That is what makes life worth living, the unpredictability of it all, and being able to make choices and learn from our consequences!”
“Yet we need to see our outcome,” Sloane said, inside a dark room.
“Well, why is this outcome so important?” asked Dean. “If I am to die here, then fine, let me die if my life is worth giving up and make sure your little outcome isn’t disturbed! But, what if something else comes along and throws a kink in your game, then what?”
Penny Fields looked at Dean. “And what if you’re wrong? What does this do to our outcome?” she asked.
Kevin looked at Dean and said, “For most parts we cannot change what has already happened.”
“I’m confused. Am I to live or am I to die?” Dean asked no one in particular and was just hoping someone would be able to give him a straight answer.
“Does he wish to know the outcome before others so he can try to influence the game?” the professor asked.
Rose Tyler, appearing in Dean’s apartment, said “Is that permitted?”
“Inconceivable!” barked Sloane. “It would throw the game out completely!”
“Well, what do you want from me?!” Dean bellowed into the heavens.
The Doctor looked puzzled at Dean’s question. “We wish to avoid a potential paradox.”
Martha Jones, sitting in the passenger seat of Dean’s Explorer with Dean at the wheel said “Maybe he is right. We cannot simply manipulate things for our own means.”
“I think you finally got it!” Dean said. “I mean that is the great thing about any game, you have to consider all outcomes, all moves and countermoves. And if something doesn’t end up going, in your favor, you do your best and change strategy. You don’t dwell on any past failed outcomes; you pick yourself up and continue to play on.”
“He seems to speak like he knows the game” Donnie said.
“Maybe he does. He may the actual key” Joanne guessed.
“What key? What exactly do you want from me?” Dean asked his bosses.
“A sacrifice is needed still though,” said Ric Flair.
“Indeed, but he is not the one to do so,” said Keith Richards.
“A sacrifice? Why does anyone need to die?” asked Dean. “Hasn’t there been enough death in the last while. What will one more life mean if there have been thousands upon thousands who have already been sacrificed?”
The Doctor looked at Dean after he posed the question. “Then why are you still here?”
Dean’s father appeared and answered “Because he is afraid. He is afraid of failing. He has always failed and he always will.”
“You’re damn right I’m afraid!” said Dean, “Because for the first time in a long time I am finally happy and here I am debating with whomever you are about my continued existence! And now it seems you think that whether I live or die is going to ruin or maintain your little game. Well, let me tell you something, if this all went down maybe a year ago, or two years ago, I would give up right now, die on that gurney and let you debate for longer whether or not one insignificant life meant something in the grand scheme of things. But back there, back in the real world, there is a woman who for whatever reason loves me! And being apart from her right now makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don’t want her to live with my death on her hands too!”
Karen Anderson, back holding her sister Tracy, looked at Dean and said “Enough innocent lives have been indeed lost. He is right; he shows compassion and concern for this ‘Karen’. They must continue on their path together.”
Rose Tyler spoke up “But will a sacrifice still be required?”
Kevin just looked at Rose and said “He has convinced us to forgo the predetermined outcome.”
“You are all making a mistake here!” shouted Dean’s father.
“And if they are, so what?” Dean asked back angrily. “That is what life is really about! Making mistakes and learning from them. And if you let me go back to Karen, I will make sure to do whatever I can to learn from one of my greatest mistakes!”
“It is decided then,” said Joanne. “He will continue on as planned.”
“But will the sacrifice still be needed?” asked Ariel.
“Sacrifices are a part of the game.” Flair and Richards chimed in together.
“But will he be ready when the right one makes the sacrifice?” asked Martha Jones.
“Time will tell,” Dean’s mother said. “His fate is out of our hands and back into his own will…”

“Hello? Is there anybody in there?”
Karen was standing above Dean as his eyes opened up. He let out a tired groan and rubbed his eyes.
“How do you feel, love?” Karen asked as she brushed her hands against the side of Dean’s cheeks.
“Weird,” chuckled Dean nervously. “How long was I gone for?”
“I don’t know, maybe an hour or so. But it seemed like forever.”
“You did good babe, you did good.” Dean said with a smile.
“Thanks, though Penny deserves some credit, much to my chagrin.” Karen said.
“For some reason, I think we need to find Kevin, Ryan, and Donnie.” Dean said as he slowly tried to sit up. Karen did her best restrain him a bit. ”You’re still not at full strength yet and I think you’re not fully healed yet,” she insisted.
“Tell me something, Kare Bear,” Dean began to ask “Where do you suppose they took Donnie to?”
“I heard something about the Edmonton branch of the research council. Then Ariel went total mercenary and took one of those Section 31 guys along with her.” Karen answered.
“Well, as soon as I am not so groggy, we’re taking a trip there and we’re going to get everyone home and far away from here as possible.”
“What makes you say that?” Karen asked Dean
“Not sure exactly, but I think it is part of my… destiny.” Dean said with a committed look on his face.

Apocalypse Wow! 1! - Part 3, Chapter 20

Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.

CHAPTER TWENTY: SECTION 31. OR, IN WHICH KEVIN GOES HEAD TO HEAD WITH SLOANE OF SECTION 31 AND LEARNS FINALLY WHAT IS GOING ON AFTER NEARLY BEING TORTURED TO DEATH.

Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.” - Mr. Blonde from “Reservoir Dogs”

Not the torturer will scare me/Nor the body's final fall/Nor the barrels of death's rifles/Nor the shadows on the wall/Nor the night when to the ground/The last dim star of pain, is hurled/But the blind indifference/Of a merciless, unfeeling world” - Roger Waters, “Each Small Candle”


“Oh, my aching head!” Kevin moaned as he slowly opened his eyes and found himself in what looked like a small room, barely lit up. He noticed Ryan, either sleeping or probably in whatever condition Kevin was in before he woke up. Kevin knew nothing after the point when he got shot with a taser back on Jasper Avenue, so waking up in what could be best described as a prison cell seemed probable. Kevin slowly stood up, feeling groggy and walked over to where Ryan was. Kevin gently slapped Ryan in his head and said to him “Hey, wakey-wakey, hands off snakey!”
Ryan slowly turned over, also groggy. “Ugh, we didn’t do it, did we?” he asked.
“Funny.” Kevin said. “Now, do you have any clue what happened here?”
“I don’t know, all I remember was seeing you get tasered and then someone shocked me as well and here we are now.” Ryan said as he sat up onto the bunk bed.
“What happened to Flair and Richards?” asked Kevin.
“I don’t know. Before I blacked out I remember there being a lot of gunfire.”
“I could only assume that they were successful in their battle and are on their way to rescue us. Right now, that seems to be our only hope.”
“And what if they were gunned down?”
“Then they died as heroes and when we get out of here, we’re pouring two bottles of scotch in their honor.”
The door opened as four men in the similar combat fatigues Kevin and Ryan saw earlier came in. “You, go with them now!” One of the men said as two other men went and took Ryan out of the room. “And you, you’re coming with us!” he said looking at Kevin.
“Not until I get some answers here! Basic Geneva Convention Rights…” Kevin was trying to say until one of the armed men smacked him in the back of the head with the butt of his gun.

“Christ, when is this going to end?” Kevin said as he once again woke up, finding himself in another room. This time, he found himself sitting and his arms were tied to the back of the chair. A bright light shone above him was another thing Kevin noticed as he tried to gain his eyesight back. Looking around some more, Kevin noticed a door opening and in walked a woman dressed in a black turtleneck and black dress slacks. She was also clad in a leather trench coat and had short brown hair.
“Welcome to Section 31, Mister Brody,” the woman said. “My name is Sloane. Just Sloane, which is all you need to know right now.”
“Don’t mind me if I don’t get up to shake your hand, Miss Sloane.” Kevin said rudely. “But between the concussions your goons have given me and being tied to a chair, I’m just not in a polite mood right now.”
Sloane just looked and smiled at Kevin as she put on a leather glove on her left hand. “Well, too bad, I was looking forward to seeing the supposed legendary Kevin Brody charm,” she said as she walked behind Kevin, looked him in the eyes and punched him in the stomach.
“You bitch!” screamed Kevin, who was in obvious pain.
“Well now, that’s no way to talk to someone who is willing to give you…. answers, is it Mister Brody?” Sloane said as she pulled up a chair, turning the backside of the chair to face Kevin. She slowly sat down
“Huh! Answers, huh? Well then, are you going to share with me or are you just going to continue using me as a punching bag?” Kevin said.
“I’m afraid it doesn’t quite work that way, Mister Brody,” said Sloane. “I take it a man with your intellect is familiar with the term ‘quid pro quo’…”
“Of course I am.”
“See? You tell me some things I want to know, and I’ll tell you what you need to know. Failure to cooperate will see me getting a little rough with you,” Sloane said with a smile that was part seductive and part sadistic. “And trust me; the ache in your gut is mild compared to what I am capable of.”
“So, what do you want from me?” Kevin asked.
“You and your little group have seen a lot of things since the Iranians struck Edmonton, no?” asked Sloane.
“I guess one could say so,” said Kevin.
“Well, shall we start with the corn creatures you and Doctor Sarah Bellum dissected in Vegreville?”
“I thought they were insignificant?” asked Kevin
“In a way, they were. They were merely a beta version of a more advanced plant life form that has now overtaken Taber thanks to us” said Sloane.
“Wait a minute, speaking of which, how the hell did that Julia broad survive? I made her explode with a logical paradox I posed to…”
“Well, to be honest, the Julia Katz you encountered was also a prototype...”
“… Makes sense” interrupted Kevin, who received a slap across the mouth from Sloane.
“Don’t ever interrupt me again!” she snapped at Kevin. “But yes, the Julia Katz you came across here in Edmonton is the real deal in the flesh. What you destroyed was another Section 31 project, like the vines infused with the nanoprobes.”
“So, if you know of all our misadventures, why do you insist on asking me questions?” Kevin asked. Sloane then got up, moved her chair out of the way and smacked Kevin with a roundhouse kick, knocking him to the ground.
“I do not tolerate back talk, Mister Brody.” Sloane said, standing over Kevin, who groaned in pain and doing his best not to cry.
“Then what do you want from me?” he screamed at her, showing the amount of pain through the tone of his voice.
“What I want, Mister Brody is to know how much do you REALLY know what has gone on here?” she said as she pulled up Kevin from the ground and returned him to a sitting position.
“I don’t know. If I knew, I would have figured it out by now!” he protested.
“Pity,” Sloane said with a tinge of disappointment in her voice. “For a man who once wanted us to put the brains of wolverines into Venus Flytraps and resurrect the late Chris Benoit, I was certain you would have come up with some crazy theory of what is going on here.”
“Well that depends,” Kevin said with a smirk on his face. “Are you really the Dharma Initiative?”
Sloane, not being impressed with Kevin’s sassy mouth, once again slapped him across the face. “Such a smart man, yet you are such an idiot!” she proclaimed.
“Look lady, we could play this game all day here, or you could enlighten me into what you are really fishing for.” Kevin said with a tinge of resistance in his voice.
Sloane just stood and sighed. “Very well, since you really didn’t contribute to anything we already knew, I will give you a little bit of the information you seek…”
“Okay, what is this ‘Section 31’?” asked Kevin.
“We’re a loose affiliation of scientists, politicians, and others with high standings in the global decision making process here in this great nation of ours. In fact, we defend Canada’s interests home and abroad. The United States has the NSA, Britain has MI-6, the former Soviet Union had the KGB, and Canada has us” she said.
Kevin just laughed at Sloane’s little explanation. “What exactly does Canada’s interest have to do with creating sausage craving zombies?”
“Such a foolish way of looking at things,” Sloane said after slapping Kevin again across the face. “Now there was an anomaly that needed to be rectified immediately, which we did.”
Kevin, wincing from the last slap bluntly asked “So why allow these ‘anomalies’ to run amuck if you’re just going to ‘rectify’ them?”
“Because Mister Brody in the process of creating a new society, mistakes will be made, and thus they need to be fixed before they create too much chaos. And to be perfectly honest, that is what Section 31 is about – correcting mistakes.”
“Well sweetheart, you have one hell of a mistake with most of downtown Edmonton turned into rubble!”
“You would think so, but in a way, we have already begun repairs. Tell me Mister Brody, what do you know about temporal rifts?”
Kevin rolled his eyes. “I thought I was done with that bullshit. Why are you bringing it back, huh?”
Sloane looked confused and told Kevin “What would you say if I told you that Section 31 has the technology to repair within a specific timeline events in the recent past?”
“I would say you are all fucking nuts! Such technology should not and does not exist! Plus I have it on good authority that this should not be happening at all!” Kevin shouted back. Sloane just looked at him and gave a sly smile before punching Kevin in the stomach again. “Whomever gave you that information was either erroneous in doing so or gave you a little bit of misinformation” she angrily, yet softly, said to Kevin.
“So, which unfortunate soul did you procure this technology from?” Kevin asked after getting his wind back from the last punch.
“It was a joint project, really. A little bit of competition between the Americans and the Russians for a piece of an unearthly form of technology. Why do think the Russians were so eager to try stake a claim in the North Pole?”
“Cleary, if you have this power to correct things, why not go further back and say, oh I don’t know, stop that coked-out whore from getting into that accident?” asked Kevin.
“Were you not paying attention, Mister Brody? It only can go within a limited window into the past, plus it needs a large amount of energy to generate. Energy…”
“… From a giant nuclear explosion, I gather?” Kevin interrupted Sloane, who surprisingly did not strike him for such insolent behavior.
“Exactly,” she said. “That is why if you tried to gather any form of radioactive readings, you would find almost nil to very miniscule amounts of radioactivity in the area. Fascinating, is it not, Mister Brody?”
“Except, your little temporal rift fixer does cause a little side effect you are not able to control, right?”
Sloane kicked Kevin’s chair back. “What are you talking about?” she sneered at Kevin.
“Brief flashes into people’s lives and allowing people to relive moments within their lifetime – please stop me if I am hitting the nail on the head here sunshine.” Kevin said.
“Yes, you finally got something right here, Mister Brody. That and it causes massive damage to the cerebral cortex, essentially turning people into zombies.” Sloane sighed.
“So, why hasn’t your little band of covert mercenaries been turned into mindless drones? And that doesn’t explain all the other weird shit that has…” Kevin was interrupted by another blow to his body from Sloane. She then went on to say: “Everything else that has gone on is to serve as a distraction for the regular armed forces, not for those who are in the know. What better way than to give the military a false sense of importance than to allow them to exterminate false threats like the ones you have encountered while we work on the real project, which is right here – restoring the damage done to Edmonton and rebuilding a new city completely run by Section 31.”
“And with most of the population dead from either the initial bombs dropping, the remainders will be rendered brainless and easier to pick off?” asked Kevin again.
“Exactly, Mister Brody, and only do those we deem worthy will live to see things.” Sloane said.
“And let me guess, I’m one of the lucky ones to live, right?” said Kevin sarcastically.
“That is up to you now, Mister Brody.” Sloane said with a bit of smirk on her for most parts cold face. “Quite frankly, I would not like to see the same fate fall upon you that came down on the rest of your party.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Kevin.
“Both Misters Flair and Richards were terminated when they foolishly tried to stop us from your capture. I also assume that the second group has also been dealt with when we extracted Donald Bellum from them.”
“Why tell me this now?”
“Because Mister Brody, that is the fate for those who refuse to cooperate with us completely, comply and you live; resist, well, now you know.” Sloan was about to go on until she noticed a vibrating motion in her left breast pocket of her coat. She removed a cell phone and began to talk.
“Yes, what is it? I’m in the middle of something here,” she went on, with no way of Kevin hearing who was on the other line. Though he could probably gather it was a subordinate of Miss Sloane from her end of the conversation. “Excellent, I assume the Bellums have been happily reunited? Good. What do you mean there was no confirmed kills on the remaining members of that group? Who ordered the withdrawal? Higgins?” Sloane said as she slammed her phone shut and put her hands on her hips.
Dean, you magnificent bastard! Kevin thought to himself, knowing that perhaps he is still alive.
“Seems like there may be a little fly in your ointment, huh?” Kevin said while giving a bit of a chuckle. That seemed to impress Sloane too much as she made her way to the door and opened it. Kevin noticed her motion for someone to come in, and sure enough two men in black combat gear came in and untied Kevin from the chair and picked him up to stand.
“Take him to Room 4-G, remove his clothing, and wait for my arrival!” Sloane ordered the two men.
“Oh geez, we’re not going to fuck, are we?” asked Kevin dryly.
“Please don’t flatter yourself,” Sloane said as she came close to Kevin’s body only to knee him in the groin, “You’re not my type. Although we are going to do something together that you may find a little… shocking.” With that, Sloane gave a quick and quiet laugh as the guards led Kevin out of the room and onto a potential new horror.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Apocalypse Wow! 1! - Part 3, Chapter 19

Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.

CHAPTER NINETEEN: KNOCKING ON HEAVEN’S DOOR! OR, IN WHICH DEAN AND HIS GROUP COME ACROSS MEMBERS FROM SECTION 31 AND ANOTHER TWIST OCCURS TOO!

…What a twist!” - M. Night Shyamalan, writer/director/master of “the twist”

Mama, put my guns in the ground/I can't shoot them anymore./That long black cloud is comin' down/I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door.” - Bob Dylan, “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door”

Dean Williams looked worried as he read the last text message on his cell phone. Karen came from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist. She had to stand on her tippy-toes to whisper in Dean’s ears. “Whatcha reading?” she whispered softly.
“I’m trying to make sense of Kevin’s last text message,” Dean said. “I told him what was going on this side of the city and all he replied back with was ‘Fuck! Fuck! Fuckity fuck fuck!’”
“He didn’t really type that, did he?”
“Take a look for yourself.” Dean said as he showed Karen the message that Kevin last sent to Dean’s phone.
“Did it ever occur to you teenage girls to - oh I don’t know - call each other instead of texting each other?” Donnie said, disapproving of anyone over the age of twenty doing such a ridiculous thing as typing a message on a little telephone.
“Geez, Donnie, that’s brilliant!” Dean replied back sarcastically. “I intend to pay you for your idea in rape dollars!”
Donnie looked confused as he said “Wait? What? No! That’s wrong, man! Jesus, what is wrong with you?”
“Sorry. But yeah, I tried calling him and I can’t get a clear signal through. Either that, or something has happened to them.” Dean said.
“Maybe instead of standing around and wondering where everyone is, why don’t we go after them?” Ariel suggested.
“She’s right. Obviously since nothing is going on here we might as well cut our losses and track down Kevin’s group.” Penny said in agreement.
“Well, these ideas are all helpful, but Kevin never mentioned which part of the city he’s in and between dealing with the Whyte Avenue zombies, who knows what we could be facing out there.” Dean replied to all of the flowing ideas coming from the two ladies with guns. However, any and all plans for tracking down Kevin were to be put on hold as four black sedans drove down, barrowing down from one of the streets. The four cars surrounded Dean, Karen, Ariel, Penny, and Donnie. Out from one of the cars popped two men dressed in fancy black suits. “Which one of you is Donnie Bellum?” one of the men asked.
“Uhh, I am” Donnie said nervously.
The second black-suited man then said “You are to be immediately reunited with your wife and daughter at the Edmonton offices of the Alberta Research Council.”
Donnie let out a sigh of relief “Oh thank god! Well, see ya later!” Donnie said as he was about to get into the sedan with the men in black suits.
Penny surprisingly showed some objection to Donnie’s move “Wait a minute, this could be a trap. Who are you anyways? And how do you about…”
The first man in black interrupted Penny “We are representatives from Section 31. Mister Bellum, as either an employee or life partner of an employee of the Alberta Research Council, you are given limited immunity from our activities. You and your family are going to begin life anew at a yet to be determined location.”
The second man in black chimed in “The remainder of you are under arrest and are to be detained by Section 31 for questioning and any potential disciplinary actions up to and including incarceration.”
“On whose authority are you operating under?” Penny questioned.
The two men in black looked at each other and chuckled. “Ma’am, we are the authorities.”
“Bullshit!” exclaimed Ariel. “We’re not going with a bunch of power tripping fascists!”
The first man in black looked at Ariel. “We’re not asking, we’re ordering you all to come with us.”
Penny decided to into prisoner of war mode. “Fields, Penny Layne, Sergeant in the Canadian Armed Forces, my serial number is…”
The second man in black cut off Penny “Your military standing is not going to save you. In fact…” he was interrupted by Ariel turning fire on one of the parked cars. By this time, armed men emerged from the remaining cars and got behind the cars and opened fire.
“Get Bellum out of here, and terminate them all with extreme force!” ordered one of the men in black, who got grazed by a stray bullet in his shoulder. The other man quickly rushed a confused Donnie into one of the sedans, quickly shoved him into the luxury car, and then got in himself. That car sped off as the remaining men kept on firing while Ariel was forced to fall back. Penny, realizing she is practically a disgraced soldier in the eyes of whomever this “Section 31” was, decided to lend some support to Ariel and began to open fire on the foot soldiers of Section 31.
“We need to get indoors!” shouted Dean as he and Karen both hit the ground and did their best to avoid getting pinged with bullets.
“What good is that going to do?” Karen asked. “They’ve been basically ordered to kill us!”
“It’ll at least give us a fighting chance! And it’ll give us time to come up with a new plan!” Dean insisted.
“Right - Penny, Ariel, cover us as we make a run into there!” Karen demanded while pointing at one of the academic buildings. Penny gave a quick nod to acknowledge Karen’s orders, which she followed immediately. Ariel noticed the remaining members in her party falling back and retreating into a building, and thus she followed suit. While the armed members of Section 31 kept on firing, until one of them ordered the remaining troops to hold off on firing and wait for further instructions. However the next action would probably change the face of everything as one overeager man let one bullet go astray after the order to cease fire was given. It seemed like slow motion the next few seconds in the life of Dean Williams. Thinking the bullet was coming for Karen, Dean heroically threw himself in front of her.
“No!” Karen screamed in agony as Dean slumped down. Though not dead, the bullet did get Dean in his stomach – not deep enough to do major damage but enough to cause some bleeding.
“It’s okay... ugh!” Dean winced in pain as Karen got down and looked at the puncture wound. “Thought I was doing something heroic” he said laughing, trying to mask the pain.
“Thank god, thank god, thank god!” Karen said, mixed with tears and relief. “Penny! Get over here and help me carry him up the stairs!” she hysterically said to Penny, who quickly came over. Ariel stood by the door, keeping a watchful look upon any potential movement coming from Section 31. She stood by, watching Karen and Penny doing an emergency casualty move for Dean. Ariel quickly moved into a hiding position when she heard some faint chatter emanating from outside. As the door opened and showed one Section 31 troop coming in, Ariel tackled him down by his legs and pinned him down with her trusty shotgun.

“Who the fuck are you?” Ariel asked the trooper.
“Name’s Higgins, I work for Section 31!” the scared trooper said nervously.
“Fine, what the fuck is Section 31? Tell me now!”
“I can’t fully explain in detail here. All I can say is we’re in control now and there is nothing anyone can do to get us out of here.”
“Is that so?” Ariel laughed as she put her finger on the trigger. “How about I splatter your brains here right now?”
“Please, if you let me live, I can allow you all to escape and we’ll leave you alone!” the man only known as Higgins begged of Ariel.
“Oh no, it isn’t going to be that easy. The Research Council’s offices, where are they?” Ariel asked. “And do they have any connection to you assholes?”
“Yes! In fact Section 31 IS the Research Council…”
“All right, here’s the deal: you’re going to call off the rest of your dogs, you’re going to let those three up there go, and you’re taking me to Section 31 so I can get everyone else out of there. And if you think for one second of double-crossing me at any time, I’ll have no qualms shooting the ever loving shit out of you. Do I make myself clear?!” Ariel demanded as Higgins gulped in relief and shook his head nervously in agreement to Ariel’s terms.
Ariel got off on top of Higgins and pulled him up. “Okay”, she said with a smile on her face. “Now, do you have a cell phone on you?”

Penny and Karen dragged Dean into what appeared to be a smallish classroom. “Lie him down on the desk over there.” Karen instructed Penny who quickly followed the instructions. Karen looked at the wound while pulling out a first aid kit she had in a conveniently carried bag. She got out some alcohol swabs to wipe the blood away from the visible wound. “Well, the good news is we can get the bullet out and hopefully it’ll slow down the bleeding,” Karen told Dean while Penny secured the door in the event Section 31 decided to follow foot.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked Dean.
“I don’t know how much internal damage is done. It could be superficial, or it could be even deeper.”
Dean just nervously chuckled. “Is there a way for you know for sure.”
“Trust me. I let my sister practically die in my arms, and I have no desire for my boyfriend to do the same.”
“Good, because you still haven’t told me the remaining books you took with you.” Dean said laughing in order to try to take away the amount of pain he was in.
“Trust me, you’ll know right away. Right now, keep quiet and rest up.” Karen told Dean as she kissed him on the cheek. While doing so, Karen then heard Dean’s cell phone ringing. She answered the phone “Hello?” On the other line was Ariel.
“I’m going to make this short,” Ariel said. “I caught one of those Section 31 fucks! He’s guaranteed me your safety and is taking me to where they’re holding the Bellums. I also have a feeling they got Kevin and his team too.”
“Wait? How can you be sure?” Karen asked
“Because as much as they seem like they have balls, they’re a bunch of scared shits when dealing with a crazy bitch like me!” Ariel said.
“All right then, what will you be your next move be?”
“If we all somehow survive this all, we’re getting out of this city and back to our lives. Obviously the world isn’t over and we can try and live life as normal as we can! I gotta go now!” Ariel said and hung up from her end. Karen just looked and sighed. Yeah, normal, Karen thought to herself as she got ready to try and save the life of Dean Williams, come hell or high water.

Apocalypse Wow! 1! - Part 3, Chapter 18

Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: NO MAN’S LAND. OR, IN WHICH THINGS GET A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS AFTER THE MISADVENTURES IN THE LAST CHAPTER.

Who remembers when it all began/Out here in no man's land/Before they passed the master plan/Out here in no man's land/Low supply and high demand/Here in no man's land” - Billy Joel, “No Man’s Land”

“… And that my apprentice is why you should never get involved with furries.” Kevin Brody was telling Ryan Jeffries as the two of them walked alongside former members of Munchie’s cockroach cult.
“I still don’t know how you came across that photo if you never got involved with anyone in the furry community.” Ryan asked Kevin.
“That is the pros and cons of the internets my apprentice. Private fetishes can easily become public knowledge with the right connections.”
“You weren’t cyber-stalking him, were you?”
“Please, I am so beyond that. I have minions who do the cyber stalking for me and report such indiscretions by my enemies.”
“Ah, okay. So, that makes you what exactly?” Ryan asked.
“That makes a man who likes to minimize the paper trail in order to keep my friends close and my enemies closer.” Kevin replied.
“That’s from ‘The Godfather’, right?” asked Ryan.
“Indeed it is. Maybe there is hope for you after all, temp.” Kevin said with a smile on his face. “But if I start quoting from Sun Tzu’s ‘Art of War’…”
“… I think I would be lost to be honest” said Ryan with a puzzled looked. “Plus what’s a ‘Doctor Who’ anyways.”
Kevin stopped dead in his tracks and gave Ryan a cold stare and told him “Mention that name again, and I’ll see to it you’re written out of this story,” remembering the deal he made with the omniscient voice of this narrative. Kevin went on to elaborate to Ryan “If we all live through this, I shall tell you” to which Ryan nodded.
“Will you two nerds quit nerding it up over there.” Sarah barked from the back, where she and her daughter were flanked by Ric Flair and Keith Richards. “And while we’re at it, where are we going anyways?” she asked.
One of the former cockroach disciples heard the question coming from the back and yelled back. “We’re taking you as far as No Man’s Land, and that is as far as we are willing to go.”
“You’re not going to take us to some giant cockroach pit and have us sacrificed for killing yer emissary aren’t ya?” a somewhat skittish Keith Richards asked.
“Negative. Besides between finding out our ‘messiah’ was a fucking furry and his other bizarre decrees, we’re glad someone had the balls to ice him!” said the one former disciple of a faith more than likely would have been called “Cockroachism”.
“So, if you guys aren’t willing to go into this No Man’s Land, why are you sending us in there then?” asked Sarah.
“Well, to be honest we did try to go further than the west end here, but we couldn’t get too far as the armed forces pretty much chased us away from anywhere close to the downtown core” another former disciple mentioned.
“So downtown Edmonton has been wiped out?” asked Kevin. “Makes sense since we haven’t seen the standard office towers that adorn the skyline.”
“We don’t know for sure. We got as far as 124th Street before they fired on us.”
“Well, that’s great.” Sarah said rolling her eyes. “Suddenly being sacrificed to cockroaches seems like the lesser of two evils.”
“Well, maybe they’ve eased up on their grip on what’s left of the city” another disciple theorized.
“I sure hope so. Because if we try to get into a firefight with an armed force that has been basically given carte blanche in its operating procedures, we’re royally fucked!” proclaimed Kevin.
The moving entourage suddenly halted. “This is it. The line we crossed before being forced back onto the west side here” said one of the disciples. “Good luck, may god have mercy on you all.”
Sarah looked puzzled “You’re leaving us?” she asked.
“Well, you guys are at least armed. We’re peaceniks for most part and a bunch of chickens too. Why do you think we were willing to follow Munchie?” the same disciple asked.

The outskirt of Jasper Avenue was the gateway to the downtown core of Edmonton. It served also as a border of two different worlds that seemed to best describe Alberta’s capital after the attack. On the west side where Kevin, Ryan, Sarah, Hailey, Keith Richards, and Ric Flair came from was still all right for most parts. However since taking the step over the line that the cockroach worshippers were afraid to cross show a different Edmonton - a side that had finally shown devastation and destruction from the missile strike. As Kevin took out the Geiger counter to determine how radioactive the area was, another negative reading came out. Frustrated by this outcome, Kevin threw the piece of equipment down in anger. “This is too much here!” he screamed. “All of this seems too impossible!”
“Maybe that Penny chick was right. Maybe there were no nuclear warheads at all.” Ryan inferred.
“Maybe yes, maybe no,” Kevin said while holding the sides of his head as if he was going to pull his hair out in frustration. “But look around you! Downtown Edmonton no longer exists! Edmonton Center? Gone! The Winspear and Citadel Theatre? Probably toast too! Chez Pierre’s? Buh-bye Edmonton’s oldest strip club! Yes conventional weapons can cause this much destruction, but why are there giant cockroaches at West Ed Mall?! Explain that…” Kevin’s rant was interrupted by a feeling of a vibration in his coat pocket. He then pulled out his cell phone and flipped it open. He read what appeared to be a text message. He flipped his phone closed and continued on. “Now I find out from Dean that they got zombies doing the ‘Thriller’ dance on Whyte and they’re having within-their-lifetime flashbacks on the University campus and I just want to know…”

A flash of light occurred. Kevin Brody looked around and saw nothing but a bright white light.
“So, am I going to get some answers here now or what?” he demanded.
“This corporeal being is quite impatient” said The Beardo, sitting comfortably in the den of his Shandro farmyard.
Joanne Carlson, pre-vine takeover appeared at the Vegreville Movie Gallery. “He insists on answers that he is not ready to understand.”
“Understand what?” Kevin yelled at her. “Nothing makes sense here!”
Karen Anderson, in her paramedic’s uniform, clutching the lifeless body of her dead sister. “We cannot change our course midway through the game now.”
“Is this what this to you?” Kevin asked. “Is this just a game?”
Dean Williams, sitting in his Vegreville apartment, tells Kevin. “He wants to know the outcome of the game before seeing it play before his eyes?”
Julia Katz, infused with the vine nanotechnology, protested “It is not permissible!”
“Look, to hell with your rules!” Kevin shouted back “People have lost lives because of your little game here!”
Lindsay Lohan came from behind Kevin and whispered in his ears. “We are all merely pawns in this game. Our fates were sealed long before events went into play.”
“So, if nothing can be changed, why am I here then? Who are you? Why did you bring me here? I demand to know why I AM HERE.” Kevin said.
Julia Katz, sitting behind a desk at the Alberta Research Council looked at Kevin and said to him “Such impatience. Maybe he is not the one.”
The Bellums, holding their newborn daughter in the maternity ward looked at Kevin as well. Sarah said “He still may be the key.” Donnie then nodded and countered with “Or he knows the key.”
“The key to what exactly?” Kevin asked the Bellums.
“Should he know?” asked The Beardo.
Ariel stood atop of a pile of freshly shot undead bodies on Whyte Avenue. “If he knows the outcome of the game may change.”
Vine-controlled Joanne Carlson appeared in front of a ruined downtown Edmonton business. “Any changes to the outcome are not permitted!” she protested.
“You all keep talking about this ‘game’ and how the outcome cannot be changed. I’m not asking for the outcome to be changed. Linear time cannot be changed, I know that! History cannot be rewritten. All I want to know is what has happened here and how am I going to make sure my friends make it out of this alright!” Kevin again said in annoyance.
“He is right.” Lohan said.
“The initial part of the game cannot be changed.” Karen said, showing the stains of blood on her hands to Kevin.
“But can he change the outcome?” Joanne Carlson asked.
“He may be part of a series of events that will change the outcome.” The Beardo said.
“But I thought you said the outcome was unable to change?” asked Kevin.
Dean looked at Kevin. “How we got here cannot be reversed.”
Ryan Jeffries showed up “But what could happen next is in the key holder’s hands.”
Julia Katz protested. “The outcome must be maintained!”
“No, you are wrong.” Kevin told Julia. “Whatever my next set of actions could really change this little game you have going on.”
“We are merely observers of the game” said Keith Richards.
“The moves made are entirely up to you” said Ric Flair.
“Only one outcome is for certain,” Karen said, wiping blood onto the side of Kevin’s face. “A sacrifice is needed to ensure the game continues on.”
Kevin looked confused. “Sacrifice? What kind of…”

“… Sacrifice?” Kevin said in mid-sentence as he returned back to the reality with everyone looking at him.
“What happened there?” asked Ryan.
“I don’t know.” Kevin said. “If I knew…” He then paused and looked around, noticing a sound emanating in the surrounding area. “Anyone else hear that?” he asked with everyone nodding their heads in agreement. As the noise grew closer, they noticed about four armored troop transports driving into the area. They stopped and from one of them, close to twenty men and women in black combat gear, armed to the teeth emerged. They quickly drew their guns on Kevin’s group Another transport opened up, this time two men in the same garb came out flanking what was surely a ghost to Kevin and Sarah.
It was that of associate director Julia Katz
“It can’t be!” Kevin said. “I made that bitch’s head explode!”
“Doctor Bellum?” Julia asked while looking at Sarah. “You and your daughter are to be relocated to our south facilities immediately.
God, if you do really exist, please don’t let Sarah mention her milquetoast husband because that’s gonna get Dean most likely killed, Kevin thought to himself.
“What about my husband?” Sarah asked.
Dear God, you fucking suck ass! Kevin thought again.
Julia talked to one of the men in black “Locate Mister Bellum and relocate him to the south side facilities as well. Anyone else with him, take them immediately to Section 31.”
“And what about the rest of us, eh?” asked Ryan nervously.
Julia rolled her eyes. “Take the scruffy guy and the handsome geek to Section 31 as well.”
“Now just a minute here, what if we don’t want to go with your little goons here?” Kevin asked. “And again, didn’t I kill you in Vegreville?”
“Vegreville?” Julia looked confused. “Oh, that unfortunate incident, I told them the prototypes weren’t ready yet.”
One of the soldiers looked at Kevin. “I think it would be beneficial to your health if you came now!” he ordered Kevin. Not one to take kindly to being ordered, Kevin did take a swing at the soldier, only to be tasered from behind by another soldier. Ryan too was subdued via a taser shot.
“Oi! We ain’t goin’ down with a fight you bloody wankers!” Keith Richards as he and Flair drew out a pair of sub-machine guns and began to open fire upon the black-clad troops. However, that seemed to be a fatal error on their part as the other two transporters quickly opened up as more troops entered the area, firing at will at the two legends. While Sarah did her best to shield her three-year old daughter from what was clearly a mismatch, she herself could not avoid watching what was basically an execution. It seemed like an empty gesture, but maybe Richards and Flair thought they were able to save the day once before, but not this time.
Jasper Avenue would be the place where Ric Flair and Keith Richards stood for the last time. And valiantly they did stand, even though it seemed futile.