Any real names, non-original content, or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner
CHAPTER FOUR: RUN LIKE HELL! OR, IN WHICH KEVIN STARTS MAKING A LIST AND WANTS TO CHECK IT TWICE AND DROPS SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YOUNG RYAN “THE TEMP” JEFFRIES.
“There’s no Hulkamaniacs here!” - Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea, pro wrestler/master thespian
“…Run! - The Doctor, Last of the Time Lords.
“You better make your face up with your favorite disguise/With your button-down lips and your roller blind eyes/With your empty smile and your hungry heart/Feel the bile rising from your guilty past/With your nerves in tatters as the cockleshell shatters/And the hammers batter down your door/You better run!” - Pink Floyd, “Run Like Hell”
CHAPTER FOUR: RUN LIKE HELL! OR, IN WHICH KEVIN STARTS MAKING A LIST AND WANTS TO CHECK IT TWICE AND DROPS SOME KNOWLEDGE ON YOUNG RYAN “THE TEMP” JEFFRIES.
“There’s no Hulkamaniacs here!” - Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea, pro wrestler/master thespian
“…Run! - The Doctor, Last of the Time Lords.
“You better make your face up with your favorite disguise/With your button-down lips and your roller blind eyes/With your empty smile and your hungry heart/Feel the bile rising from your guilty past/With your nerves in tatters as the cockleshell shatters/And the hammers batter down your door/You better run!” - Pink Floyd, “Run Like Hell”
Ryan Jeffries stood behind the sales counter at the video store. This was supposed to be my day off, he thought to himself. He was still sleeping when Dean had called him and informed him of his very early morning trip north of Willingdon. Dean would not have admitted it over the phone, but those events shook him up beyond belief. Of course being in the boondocks, no one else other than he, Kevin, and Karen heard the end of the male members of the Toroshenko clan. And he feared that if Kevin drags him back there, the bodies would surely be there, showing signs of decomposing.
It was about three in the afternoon now. Ryan was on the phone with Dean, who he was thanking profusely for coming in to cover the day shift. It was after Ryan had gotten off the phone with Dean that Kevin decided to pop into the store.
“Oh joy”, Kevin said disappointingly. “It’s the temp.”
“I’m not a temp” Ryan retorted in his usual quiet demeanor. “I’ve been here for over a year now.”
“Yeah yeah, I know. But Rick Campinelli will always be known as ‘Rick the Temp’.” Kevin sighed. “Ahh, the days when MuchMusic was slightly watchable and not the distilled pabulum for today’s attention-deficit-disordered youth.”
“There was a time like that?” Ryan said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
“Oh yes. Not because the music was any better or worse back then. But it did not seem as vapid as it does today. Or simply put I’m just realizing that while I’m getting older, those that seem younger than me simply scare the living shit out of me.”
“Uh huh”, Ryan said somewhat uninterested in Kevin waxing poetically about a simpler time. “Did you really take Dean out to witness a murder-suicide?”
“Who told you?”
“Dean did. Mentioned how he may never sleep the same again after last night.”
“Oh he can be such a dramatic guy. Okay - one, he did not see it actually happen. Two - Maybe it was a double suicide. And three… why am I discussing this in a public place with the temp nonetheless?”
“There’s no one in here. Did it occur to any of you to call the police?”
“Considering I had inherited a large piece of land complete with enough firearms to arm a small platoon unit, where most of said firearms are not properly registered under current gun registry regulations, not only would I be a prime suspect but Dean and Karen would also be accessories to the crime as well.”
“Well, what’s stopping someone like say, me for example, of ratting you out?”
“Because my young temp I am willing to make you an offer…”
Ryan interrupted, “… in other words a bribe?”
Kevin looked unaffected but concerned. “No. A bribe involves payment of either cash, property, or material goods towards law or government agencies. This is an offer to be part of an inner sanctum once things go down.”
Ryan too had been a small part of Kevin’s other “inner sanctum” side projects. In face, it was Ryan who had mentioned to Kevin that the Bellums were leaving the weekend Kevin decided to turn their backyard into a testing area for his wolf traps. So he was aware of Kevin’s somewhat eccentric behavior. “What do you want?” he asked Kevin.
Kevin then said “Question - do you have your pilot’s license yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Could you gain access to a small aircraft?”
“How small do you want it to be?”
“Enough to bring in small groups of pocket survivors to rebuild a fallen government?”
“Wait… what the hell are you going on about?”
Kevin then pulled out a piece of paper with a typewritten list. It was as followed:
HIERARCHY OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER
Not affiliated with the ‘new world order’ coined by George Herbert Walker Bush, 41st president of the United States of America. Nor the ‘new World order’ that ran roughshod through World Championship Wrestling from 1996-1999.
1. Kevin James Brody – President
2. Dean Williams – Assistant to the President
3. Karen Anderson – Emergency Medical Services/Health Advisor/Breeding Stock
4. Ariel Toroshenko – Land surveillance/Cartographer/Breeding Stock
5. Dr. Sarah Bellum – Science Advisor/Potential Breeding Stock
6. Ryan Jeffries – Pilot/Search and Rescue/Survivor Retrieval Advisor/Gopher
7. Donnie Bellum – Position to be determined/Gopher
“So Donnie and I are gophers?” Ryan said after reading the end of the list.
“No. Did you not read in full detail the position I am offering you?” Kevin asked demandingly.
“Actually yeah I did. I don’t know if I can do that though.” Ryan said hesitantly.
Kevin then asked “Why not?”
“Because one I do not have full access to a plane for one thing. Another thing is that I can’t do search and rescue.”
“Nonsense. What if I can acquire you a permanent plane?”
“How if I may ask are you going to do that?”
“I know a guy; he has been wanting to get rid of his Cessna for quite some time.”
“I don’t think that will accomplish your goals you wish to accomplish.”
“It will be a short term setback to be sure. But we will need to localize our new society first. I am thinking about a sixty-mile radius from the new home of our new world order. Once we have more people organized and more resources acquired, then your infrastructure will surely improve.”
“Uhhh… okay. Now my question to you is when this is all going down?”
Kevin just simply stared at Ryan after he asked the question. “You’ll know the time. If I come in here or text you with the words ‘Run’, then you damn well better begin to run!” he said seriously.
Dean laid down on his couch, watching the news to hear more of this supposed end of the world. Karen had just popped out from the bedroom where she had been all day since what happened that morning. She was wearing a light blue tank top and cowprint pajama bottoms as she came to lay beside Dean on the couch.
“So did I miss anything while I was asleep?” she asked Dean.
Dean shrugged his shoulders. He then went on to say “Ryan from work called. Apparently he’s been made a pilot and head of all search and rescue in Kevin’s little new society he seems to be forming.”
“Oh darn. And here I was hoping he’d give me that position.” Karen said jokingly.
“Oh don’t worry. He has you in charge of medical and health services, along with being apparently part of an intense repopulation program.”
“Well, that’s just great. Hopefully you won’t be jealous…” Karen said laughing.
“… It’ll be all right. As I think his assistant, I get my choice to head up my harem. And you are it, babe.” Dean replied with a smile.
Karen playfully punched Dean in the shoulder. “But will there be any need for this all to go down anyways?” she asked.
Dean looked intensely at Karen. “Well, let’s have a peak, shall we?” he said as he turned on the television. The channel was on the local news where the potential war to end all wars was being talked about as the top story:
“… Meanwhile it seems initial diplomacy attempts at have failed. The Americans have issued apologies to Iran but seemed to have fallen on deaf ears…”
*click*
“… Prime Minister Stephen Harper once again assured that Canada will stand behind U.S. President George W Bush despite concerns from opposition leaders…”
*click*
“… In a move not seen since the Cold War, Russian President Vladimir Putin has aligned Russia with Iran in this growing war of words…”
*click*
“… Retaliatory attacks would be more seen in the Middle East than in the west, though there are fears of a terrorist attack on a scale grander than the September 11th attacks in New York and Washington…”
Karen stopped Dean from continuing to change the channel. “Okay, that’s depressing enough. You know, I really don’t think we’re in any danger over here.” She said reassuringly.
“And what if it is the end of all things we know?” Dean asked.
By this time, Karen was straddling herself on top of Dean, leaning into him and running her fingers through his normal-length dark blonde hair. “Well, if it is the last night of our lives, let’s live it together…”
As the two kissed each other, there was a loud knock on their door. Dean got up and accidentally flipped Karen off the couch. She readjusted her top which was slightly askew while they were making out. Dean opened the door to reveal his landlord, George Harris, who had Kevin, sledgehammer in hand, beside him.
“You know this joker?” George asked.
Dean sighed and put his hand on his forehead. “Yeah. What did he do now?”
Kevin began to speak “Look, I can explain everythi…”
George interrupted “… I caught this joker trying to destroy the building steps with his little friend here!”
Dean looked annoyed. “Oh Jesus…”
George took a step back. Being a Mormon, he did not like anyone using the lord’s name in vein, but was more annoyed with property vandalism than a violation of the Ten Commandments right now. “Look, I’m very tempted to call the police and let them handle it, but he was saying stuff about zombies and I think he just needs to go to the loony bin!” he said harshly.
“Oh come on!” Kevin replied back. “I’m trying to save this building from a horde of zombies. I wouldn’t expect you to understand, “he directed that at George. “, you get your own planet when you die!”
“That is a major misconception!” George snapped back.
“You know, I don’t need this right now!” Kevin said as he pulled out his wallet and handed somewhere close to three hundred dollars cash to George. “I’m sure this will cover damages. Dean will cover the rest!” As Kevin just walked away in a huff, with George, Dean, and Karen looking confused.
“Look, Mister Harris, I’m really sorry for this. I’ll pay the difference in what Kevin gave you. Just let me know what it is, okay?” Dean said very apologetically.
“I’ll let you know. You better get that boy some help. Whether it be a doctor or even the Lord into his heart. My offer stands to the both of you, you know?” George said.
“That’s all right.” Dean said. “She’s a proud Wiccan priestess and I just became a fortieth level mage in my Warcraft party…” he continued jokingly until George walked away.
“Freaking weirdos.” George muttered as he walked away. Dean then closed the door and leaned on the wall. He had both of his hands over his face, shaking his head in disbelief. Karen stood in front of Dean, placing her hands on his hips.
“Wiccan priestess, huh?” she said slyly.
“Figured you might have dabbled in the Wicca ways in your college years; it was either that or Vampirism.” Dean said with a smile on his face.
“Not really. Didn’t do anything wild back in those day. Although, there was this one girl in Anatomy class; we both got drunk on Smirnoff Ice one night and made out a little bit.”
“No way!”
“Yeah, you’re right. Just yanking your chain. Maybe that’s that we need to get Kevin.”
“A fake lesbian experience?” Dean asked.
“No. Just some female companionship.” Karen replied.
“I may know someone who could help us out.” Dean said. God, if there is a God. He thought to himself. Please make a relationship between Kevin and Joanne Carlson work. It could very well make all of lives easier.
It was about three in the afternoon now. Ryan was on the phone with Dean, who he was thanking profusely for coming in to cover the day shift. It was after Ryan had gotten off the phone with Dean that Kevin decided to pop into the store.
“Oh joy”, Kevin said disappointingly. “It’s the temp.”
“I’m not a temp” Ryan retorted in his usual quiet demeanor. “I’ve been here for over a year now.”
“Yeah yeah, I know. But Rick Campinelli will always be known as ‘Rick the Temp’.” Kevin sighed. “Ahh, the days when MuchMusic was slightly watchable and not the distilled pabulum for today’s attention-deficit-disordered youth.”
“There was a time like that?” Ryan said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
“Oh yes. Not because the music was any better or worse back then. But it did not seem as vapid as it does today. Or simply put I’m just realizing that while I’m getting older, those that seem younger than me simply scare the living shit out of me.”
“Uh huh”, Ryan said somewhat uninterested in Kevin waxing poetically about a simpler time. “Did you really take Dean out to witness a murder-suicide?”
“Who told you?”
“Dean did. Mentioned how he may never sleep the same again after last night.”
“Oh he can be such a dramatic guy. Okay - one, he did not see it actually happen. Two - Maybe it was a double suicide. And three… why am I discussing this in a public place with the temp nonetheless?”
“There’s no one in here. Did it occur to any of you to call the police?”
“Considering I had inherited a large piece of land complete with enough firearms to arm a small platoon unit, where most of said firearms are not properly registered under current gun registry regulations, not only would I be a prime suspect but Dean and Karen would also be accessories to the crime as well.”
“Well, what’s stopping someone like say, me for example, of ratting you out?”
“Because my young temp I am willing to make you an offer…”
Ryan interrupted, “… in other words a bribe?”
Kevin looked unaffected but concerned. “No. A bribe involves payment of either cash, property, or material goods towards law or government agencies. This is an offer to be part of an inner sanctum once things go down.”
Ryan too had been a small part of Kevin’s other “inner sanctum” side projects. In face, it was Ryan who had mentioned to Kevin that the Bellums were leaving the weekend Kevin decided to turn their backyard into a testing area for his wolf traps. So he was aware of Kevin’s somewhat eccentric behavior. “What do you want?” he asked Kevin.
Kevin then said “Question - do you have your pilot’s license yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Could you gain access to a small aircraft?”
“How small do you want it to be?”
“Enough to bring in small groups of pocket survivors to rebuild a fallen government?”
“Wait… what the hell are you going on about?”
Kevin then pulled out a piece of paper with a typewritten list. It was as followed:
HIERARCHY OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER
Not affiliated with the ‘new world order’ coined by George Herbert Walker Bush, 41st president of the United States of America. Nor the ‘new World order’ that ran roughshod through World Championship Wrestling from 1996-1999.
1. Kevin James Brody – President
2. Dean Williams – Assistant to the President
3. Karen Anderson – Emergency Medical Services/Health Advisor/Breeding Stock
4. Ariel Toroshenko – Land surveillance/Cartographer/Breeding Stock
5. Dr. Sarah Bellum – Science Advisor/Potential Breeding Stock
6. Ryan Jeffries – Pilot/Search and Rescue/Survivor Retrieval Advisor/Gopher
7. Donnie Bellum – Position to be determined/Gopher
“So Donnie and I are gophers?” Ryan said after reading the end of the list.
“No. Did you not read in full detail the position I am offering you?” Kevin asked demandingly.
“Actually yeah I did. I don’t know if I can do that though.” Ryan said hesitantly.
Kevin then asked “Why not?”
“Because one I do not have full access to a plane for one thing. Another thing is that I can’t do search and rescue.”
“Nonsense. What if I can acquire you a permanent plane?”
“How if I may ask are you going to do that?”
“I know a guy; he has been wanting to get rid of his Cessna for quite some time.”
“I don’t think that will accomplish your goals you wish to accomplish.”
“It will be a short term setback to be sure. But we will need to localize our new society first. I am thinking about a sixty-mile radius from the new home of our new world order. Once we have more people organized and more resources acquired, then your infrastructure will surely improve.”
“Uhhh… okay. Now my question to you is when this is all going down?”
Kevin just simply stared at Ryan after he asked the question. “You’ll know the time. If I come in here or text you with the words ‘Run’, then you damn well better begin to run!” he said seriously.
Dean laid down on his couch, watching the news to hear more of this supposed end of the world. Karen had just popped out from the bedroom where she had been all day since what happened that morning. She was wearing a light blue tank top and cowprint pajama bottoms as she came to lay beside Dean on the couch.
“So did I miss anything while I was asleep?” she asked Dean.
Dean shrugged his shoulders. He then went on to say “Ryan from work called. Apparently he’s been made a pilot and head of all search and rescue in Kevin’s little new society he seems to be forming.”
“Oh darn. And here I was hoping he’d give me that position.” Karen said jokingly.
“Oh don’t worry. He has you in charge of medical and health services, along with being apparently part of an intense repopulation program.”
“Well, that’s just great. Hopefully you won’t be jealous…” Karen said laughing.
“… It’ll be all right. As I think his assistant, I get my choice to head up my harem. And you are it, babe.” Dean replied with a smile.
Karen playfully punched Dean in the shoulder. “But will there be any need for this all to go down anyways?” she asked.
Dean looked intensely at Karen. “Well, let’s have a peak, shall we?” he said as he turned on the television. The channel was on the local news where the potential war to end all wars was being talked about as the top story:
“… Meanwhile it seems initial diplomacy attempts at have failed. The Americans have issued apologies to Iran but seemed to have fallen on deaf ears…”
*click*
“… Prime Minister Stephen Harper once again assured that Canada will stand behind U.S. President George W Bush despite concerns from opposition leaders…”
*click*
“… In a move not seen since the Cold War, Russian President Vladimir Putin has aligned Russia with Iran in this growing war of words…”
*click*
“… Retaliatory attacks would be more seen in the Middle East than in the west, though there are fears of a terrorist attack on a scale grander than the September 11th attacks in New York and Washington…”
Karen stopped Dean from continuing to change the channel. “Okay, that’s depressing enough. You know, I really don’t think we’re in any danger over here.” She said reassuringly.
“And what if it is the end of all things we know?” Dean asked.
By this time, Karen was straddling herself on top of Dean, leaning into him and running her fingers through his normal-length dark blonde hair. “Well, if it is the last night of our lives, let’s live it together…”
As the two kissed each other, there was a loud knock on their door. Dean got up and accidentally flipped Karen off the couch. She readjusted her top which was slightly askew while they were making out. Dean opened the door to reveal his landlord, George Harris, who had Kevin, sledgehammer in hand, beside him.
“You know this joker?” George asked.
Dean sighed and put his hand on his forehead. “Yeah. What did he do now?”
Kevin began to speak “Look, I can explain everythi…”
George interrupted “… I caught this joker trying to destroy the building steps with his little friend here!”
Dean looked annoyed. “Oh Jesus…”
George took a step back. Being a Mormon, he did not like anyone using the lord’s name in vein, but was more annoyed with property vandalism than a violation of the Ten Commandments right now. “Look, I’m very tempted to call the police and let them handle it, but he was saying stuff about zombies and I think he just needs to go to the loony bin!” he said harshly.
“Oh come on!” Kevin replied back. “I’m trying to save this building from a horde of zombies. I wouldn’t expect you to understand, “he directed that at George. “, you get your own planet when you die!”
“That is a major misconception!” George snapped back.
“You know, I don’t need this right now!” Kevin said as he pulled out his wallet and handed somewhere close to three hundred dollars cash to George. “I’m sure this will cover damages. Dean will cover the rest!” As Kevin just walked away in a huff, with George, Dean, and Karen looking confused.
“Look, Mister Harris, I’m really sorry for this. I’ll pay the difference in what Kevin gave you. Just let me know what it is, okay?” Dean said very apologetically.
“I’ll let you know. You better get that boy some help. Whether it be a doctor or even the Lord into his heart. My offer stands to the both of you, you know?” George said.
“That’s all right.” Dean said. “She’s a proud Wiccan priestess and I just became a fortieth level mage in my Warcraft party…” he continued jokingly until George walked away.
“Freaking weirdos.” George muttered as he walked away. Dean then closed the door and leaned on the wall. He had both of his hands over his face, shaking his head in disbelief. Karen stood in front of Dean, placing her hands on his hips.
“Wiccan priestess, huh?” she said slyly.
“Figured you might have dabbled in the Wicca ways in your college years; it was either that or Vampirism.” Dean said with a smile on his face.
“Not really. Didn’t do anything wild back in those day. Although, there was this one girl in Anatomy class; we both got drunk on Smirnoff Ice one night and made out a little bit.”
“No way!”
“Yeah, you’re right. Just yanking your chain. Maybe that’s that we need to get Kevin.”
“A fake lesbian experience?” Dean asked.
“No. Just some female companionship.” Karen replied.
“I may know someone who could help us out.” Dean said. God, if there is a God. He thought to himself. Please make a relationship between Kevin and Joanne Carlson work. It could very well make all of lives easier.
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