CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: CROSSOVER! OR, TIMEQUAKE! OR, THE TWO DOCTORS, THEIR COMPANIONS AND A BISEXUAL AMERICAN POSING AS A TIME AGENT (OR IN WHICH DEAN’S TEAM STUMBLE INTO THE MIDDLE OF A ‘DOCTOR WHO’ FANFIC AND THE FOURTH WALL IS BROKEN DOWN FOR A MOMENT.)
“Time keeps on slipping into the future…” - Steve Miller Band, “Fly Like an Eagle”
“Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.” - Kyle Broflowski, eight year old Jew.
“Time keeps on slipping into the future…” - Steve Miller Band, “Fly Like an Eagle”
“Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.” - Kyle Broflowski, eight year old Jew.
The University of Alberta campus appeared to be quiet and deserted as well. Both Ariel and Penny did a quick perimeter sweep where Dean, Karen, and Donnie had initially parked and found nothing in particular that would be a potential threat to their presence at the moment.
“Trust me, nothing is here at all!” Ariel shouted towards Donnie, who looked like he was skeptical of their initial sweep.
“Well, forgive me as all the other times everything seemed okay some weird shit has gone down!” Donnie replied back.
“Yeah, because yelling sure isn’t going to cause attention,” Karen told Dean, who had a bewildered look on his face. “Care to share something, love?” Karen asked Dean.
“Oh, no, I’m okay here.” Dean said, breaking out of a temporary moment of having his thought elsewhere. “I was just thinking it’s been nearly six years since I stepped foot on these hallowed grounds of academe. I was thinking how much different life would have been had I actually, you know, followed through…”
Dean could not finish the rest of his thought as a giant flash of bright white light came across his eyes and blinded him for a moment. When he regained his sight back, Dean found himself sitting in a lecture theatre that appeared to be somewhere on the university grounds. A female professor, who was on the main lecture platform looked briefly up from her notes to say “Mister Williams, please do try and keep up.” Dean looked around, but noticed the professor was not looking at him per say, but what looked like a younger version of him sitting in the middle row.
“This seems almost impossible” Dean muttered to himself. Wanting to confirm what he was sort of suspecting, he asked a female student sitting beside him “Excuse me, what is today’s date?”
The student looked at the older Dean with a “what-the-hell-are-you-on?” look and answered with “November seventh.”
Dean nodded and then asked her “Okay, what year is it now?”
“How long have you been here?” she asked back to Dean rather rudely. “It’s 1997!”
1997?! Dean thought to himself. This seems impossible, but so far this seems to be on par with what has been going on here so far. Dean briefly looked at the student’s notes and text book that she had opened. Dean appeared to be in a first-year psychology class, which would make sense. Now all Dean needed to do was figure out why he was sent back to this period in time of his life. He noticed the lecture was on early psychological theories, in particular Freud’s ideas on the id, ego, and superego. The professor then went off the topic again and appeared to be assigning students to work on a project. While Dean zoned out on names he hadn’t heard or recalled since taking this class nearly ten years ago, he did pay attention when the professor said “… And how about Dean Williams and Kevin Brody…” Dean looked around and noticed that sitting beside him was the younger Kevin James Brody, his future friend. But why was Dean brought back to this particular moment.
Then the same flash of light hit Dean again…
“Dean, are you still here?” a concerned Donnie asked as Dean opened his eyes to see he was back in the present time. Karen was also standing beside Dean, looking relieved when Dean began to look around.
“Thank god you’re back.” Karen said as she hugged Dean very hardly, as if she was worried something bad may have happened to him. “What happened?” she asked Dean, feeling safer with her arms wrapped around him.
“You may find it hard to believe,” Dean said as he squeezed back. “But I had a bizarre flashback incident, taking me back to my university years. In fact, it was the first time Kevin and I met…”
Donnie interrupted Dean “Flashback? Like on ‘Lost’?”
“Sort of, although it was more along the lines of an orb experience” Dean said.
“Huh?” said a confused Donnie.
“Like on ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine?’” replied Dean. “See, Kevin would…”
“Oh Kevin this and Kevin that! Why don’t you just marry Kevin already?” Donnie replied rather annoyed.
“I think I have some objections to that proposal.” Karen said with a smile. Then Karen herself saw a flash of light as well, possibly the same light that Dean had encountered.
Karen’s eyes opened to a night scene somewhere downtown Edmonton. The unearthly orange glow of the city’s street lights reflected the steady downpour of rain that fell from the dark evening sky. Karen began walking, trying to figure out where she was now and more importantly figure out when she was in relation to time. She noticed at the intersection about three sets of flashing lights, coming from a pair of police cars and an ambulance. Like the old cliché about not being to able to look away from an accident, Karen was drawn to this scene. She could hear the indistinct sound of radio chatter coming from one of the police officers attending to the accident scene. As she approached closer to the scene, it became clear of where she was now. She recognized two of the cars, both with their front ends smashed in, as being from an accident Karen attended to.
“This can’t be.” Karen muttered to herself as she noticed one of the paramedics attending to one of the drivers. Karen recognized the paramedic as herself, and the moment she has been forced to witness again was her sister Tracy’s unfortunate death at the hands of a drunk driver. While Karen witnessed her past self stepping back from the scene, looking visibly shaken over the whole ordeal, she noticed the man who had survived, being escorted into a police car with only a few bumps and scars. Karen ran towards the man and found a way to tackle the man to the ground. Two of the police officers were startled but quickly acted to pull Karen away from the man. Almost hysterical, Karen screamed at the man who had taken Tracy’s life “Why do you get to live?! Why does she die and you get to…”
“…Live?” Karen said when the light flashed again and she found herself back in the present.
“Did the same thing happen to you?” asked Dean.
“I think so,” Karen said wiping tears from her eyes. “I relived Tracy’s accident and for some reason I confronted the man responsible for it. That was when the light flashed again and I was back here.”
Donnie seemed slightly agitated. “Look, for once, can we get a straight explanation of what is going on?”
Penny Fields was walking towards Dean, Karen, and Donnie and was in close range to hear Donnie’s plea for an explanation. “I can’t find anything to explain, but Ariel went ahead to investigate…”
Penny then too encountered the same light that Dean and Karen had experienced. This time, it took her to a time that was all too familiar for her as she her past self getting ready to kiss a past form of Dean.
“Goodnight, Dan…” the past Penny said.
“Oh you stupid bitch!” the present Penny said to herself quietly. “Had I known that caused such hurt towards him, I could have been with him now instead of that hosebag he is with now.” The present Penny watched as her past self simply walked into her apartment lobby while Dean walked away, visibly upset.
“No! Go apologize to him!” Penny shouted to her past self, who was oblivious to her presence. Then the light flashed again and Penny found herself back, looking at Dean and Karen.
“Did you just see a flash of light and relive a part of your past?” Dean asked Penny.
“Yeah I did,” she replied. “It was…” Penny stopped and decided to keep her deepest regret to herself, knowing that he and Karen appear to be happy here and now. “… nothing special or anything to really talk about” she said kind of withdrawn.
“So how come I haven’t had any of these flashback or orb experiences or whatever the fuck is going on here?” Donnie asked.
An unknown voice from behind Donnie then told him “I don’t think you would want to have one.” Donnie turned around and noticed a dark-haired man was standing there. The mystery man was wearing a faded gray trench coat and a dark blue button-down shirt with matching pants. Dean, Karen and Penny also looked at the interloper too. Donnie asked the man straight out “Who the hell are you?”
“Oh sorry, where are my manners,” the man said extending his right hand to shake Donnie’s hand. “Name’s Captain Jack Harkness and I’m investigating the strange occurrences that are going on in this region.”
“Wait, you’re a captain?” Penny asked. “Which branch are you a part of?”
“Actually,” Captain Jack went on to explain. “I’m from the 51st century…”
“Wait, what? You got to be kidding me!” exclaimed Donnie. Meanwhile Dean and Karen began to carry on a private and quiet conversation. “Is this where I think this is heading?” Karen asked Dean.
“I don’t know, let’s ride this one out before raising too much objections. Besides this may provide some quality comedy, something we really haven’t focused on for a while here.” Dean replied.
Captain Jack addressed Donnie “Yes, actually I’m a time agent from that century here to investigate several temporal disruptions that have all conveyed in this city of yours, which would explain why some of you have had flashes of past experiences that were related to this very city.”
“So why haven’t I had one yet?” asked Donnie, which shortly after posing the question to the alleged time agent from way far into the future, saw the same flash of light and found himself in the maternity ward of the University Hospital. Donnie watched as his past self and Sarah, basking in the afterglow of the birth of their daughter. Donnie looked at the past form of his family and had a little bit of tearing up in his eyes, thinking that he misses his family. And who know what kind of danger they’re now facing alongside Kevin. By that time, the light flashed again and Donnie was back in the present time. “Okay, never mind, I just had one” he said.
“Good.” Said Captain Jack. “Now, how far did you seem to travel back?” he asked Donnie.
“It was nearly three years I would say. It was during Hailey’s birth” Donnie replied.
“Interesting, and from what everyone else has told me so far, they too have only traveled in their past.” Captain Jack mentioned.
“Why did we just visit the past then?” Karen posed. “Why did we not visit any part of the future?”
Out of nowhere, a second version of Captain Jack Harkness showed up and answered Karen’s question. “It is quite possible that this temporal rift allows you to only travel or relive events within your own life span.”
“Kind of like ‘Quantum Leap’?” asked Karen.
“If that helps you, then yes” the second Captain Jack said.
“Wait, who are you?” the first Captain Jack asked his apparent doppelganger.
“Captain Jack Harkness. I’m from Torchwood, and these are my shiny teeth” proclaimed the second Captain Jack.
“Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on here?” Donnie asked while shaking his head in disbelief.
“He’s right, there is a temporal rift that has engulfed this region” said the second Captain Jack. “But what could have caused it is unknown at the moment.”
“Well, maybe it has something to do with a bunch of nuclear missiles that struck this city?” the first Captain Jack asked his mirror self.
“Records show nothing of a nuclear strike” the second Captain Jack replied back but by this time, a giant flash of light engulfed the second of the two Captain Jacks and engulfed him. As quickly as he arrived, the second Captain Jack Harkness was gone.
“Okay, that was…” Penny looked on confused as everyone seemed to be.
“Weird?” asked Donnie. “Compared to the shit that has gone down, yeah I’d say that was weird.”
“I honestly have no clue” the remaining Captain Jack said. By this time Ariel had noticed a strange mechanical whirling sound and had gotten into position to fire at will. By this time, Dean, Karen, and Donnie stepped back too being unsure of what was going on. Penny also got into a firing position as what appeared to be a blue police call box from Britain began to slowly materialize.
“Christ, this is about to get either totally awesome or totally gay.” Dean whispered into Karen’s ear as she nodded her head in agreement.
“Do you mind sharing with me your little inside joke here guys because I sure as hell could use a fucking clue as to what is going on here!” Donnie mentioned to the couple.
“Just stand back and wait for a potential l-o-l moment.” Dean insisted
“Fuck! You nerds are going to drive me bonkers yet!” Donnie said exasperated.
“Don’t lump me in that group. I’m just here for the laughs too!” Karen retorted back. The box finished materializing and the door of said box opened. First person to step out was a thin looking woman with blonde hair. Right away, Ariel snapped into action and pointed the gun at the woman. “Don’t fucking move an inch!” Ariel barked at the blonde while pointing the gun at her. The lady stopped and raised her hands up in the air “Uhh, we come in peace?” the blonde woman said with a British accent. Another voice, both British and belonging to a man came from inside the call box.
“Rose, what is going on out there?” the man asked as he popped out of the box and only to have Ariel turn her attention onto him. “Uh, like she said, we come in peace?” he said to Ariel.
“All right then, tell me who the fuck are you?” Ariel demanded to know, just barely squeezing the trigger.
“Well, I’m The Doctor”, the man simply known as The Doctor replied and then pointing to the blonde woman. “And this is Rose Tyler. Now care to tell me who you are?”
“Doctor!” exclaimed Captain Jack as he ran over to see shaven haired Doctor, who was sporting a stylish leather jacket and dressed in black. “I’m glad to see you; maybe you have an idea of what is going on here.”
“Didn’t I leave you on Satellite Five?” The Doctor asked Captain Jack, who kind of stammered and stuttered to explain his presence here. However, any further answers could not be attained as this version of Captain Jack Harkness was engulfed by the same light that claimed the second one.
“Okay now that little bit of unpleasantness has been dealt with, shall I explain what is going on here, hmm?” The Doctor said.
“Wait, where did he disappear to now?” Rose asked.
“Oh, he probably back to his own timeline.” The Doctor guessed. “Now, anyways, from what I can tell, this little town of yours here seems to be in a temporal flux caused by something I can’t quite tell exactly…”
“Again, doesn’t it have to do with the fact that this city got wiped off the face of the freaking earth?!” insisted Donnie.
“My, aren’t you an impatient ape.” The Doctor told Donnie in a somewhat condescending tone.
“He is right though, Doctor” Rose said in Donnie’s defense. “Didn’t the TARDIS pick up high level of radiation in this vicinity?”
“Yes Rose, but it still doesn’t explain why these people here haven’t been horribly scarred by radiation burns or why these buildings are still intact.” The Doctor said.
“Excuse me, but couldn’t you like, you know, fix this little rip in the temporal whatever thing?” Donnie asked.
“Well, it’s not like stitching a rip in your favorite trousers. First we need to figure out where the rip is exactly, and depending on how big of a rip we’re talking about it, I may not be able to simply repair it.” The Doctor told Donnie.
“So basically, we may have to deal with flashbacks?” asked Ariel, still keeping her gun cocked and ready to fire if necessary.
“Who can say, but could you please put that gun down? It is making me rather nervous and I can’t quite save your little planet if my brains are splattered all over the place, can I?” The Doctor requested of Ariel to do, which surprisingly she complied. The Doctor went on “Now, okay, what we need to do is…”
The Doctor could not finish his sentence as he was interrupted by the same whirling sound that preceded his arrival. Sure enough, the same blue police call box materialized. Once it was finished the door opened and out popped another man, this one had dark brown hair and was wearing a brown suit and trench coat.
“Okay Martha, now all we need to is… uh, what the?” the new man stopped and looked at The Doctor. “Who are you?” the new man asked.
“I’m The Doctor. Who are you?” The Doctor asked back.
“That can’t be. I’m The Doctor!” the man known as the other Doctor replied.
“Oh bloody hell! Wait, I don’t even recognize you.” The shaven-haired Doctor said.
“Well, I believe I regenerated from you to be honest.” The brown-haired Doctor replied back.
A female voice followed from the second call back, British as well, and a black skinned woman came out “Doctor, what is going… oh shi-!” she said, being struck by the presence of one more TARDIS and probably one more Time Lord
By this time Dean and Karen both sat on the ground, simply basking in the bizarreness of this whole situation. “So, where is going to go now?” Karen asked Dean.
“I don’t know, all I know is that I wish Kevin was here now so he could enjoy this too.” Dean said with a smile on his face.
“Well I’m glad you two are enjoying this because there may be a rip in reality that could destroy us all!” Donnie protested.
“Oh I’m sure it’ll work out, once we get past an obligatory slashfic staple of a make-out session.” Dean tried to assure Donnie.
“And then what?” Donnie asked.
“Then all bets are off and then we step in and try to correct this little violation of a show’s established canon.” Dean insisted.
Ariel and Penny watched together, unsure of what was really going on. The black woman came forward and introduced herself “Hi, I’m Martha Jones.”
“Rose Tyler.” Rose said.
“So, this is the famous Rose that I replace, huh?” Martha said with a bit of scorn in the tone of her voice to the brown-haired Doctor
“Wait a minute, you’re going to replace me?!” Rose said angrily to her Doctor.
“What did you do to her?” the shaven-head Doctor asked.
“Me? She was the one who got sucked into a parallel Earth trying to help stop the Cybermen from taking over this Earth!” The brown-haired Doctor protested.
“You’re not planning doing the same thing to me that you did to Blondie there, are you?” Martha said with a look of disdain on her face to her version of The Doctor.
“Wait just a minute here,” Rose spoke up. “I’m not going to be replaced easily, especially by some nappy-headed…”
“Oi, that does it! Bring it on!” Martha said as she got into a fighting position while Rose ran after her and was able to take her down with a basic leg sweep. The two companions grappled and clawed at each other while the two Doctors stood in bewilderment in their behavior. Not amused by these antics was the always trigger happy Ariel, who let a shot go off in the air. Both Martha and Rose, tops torn and their breasts slightly expose…
“ENOUGH!” shouted Dean as a giant flash of white light overtook the scene and he finds himself in a giant white-lit room with Karen standing beside him.
“What happened here?” asked Karen.
“I don’t know, but I think I broke reality.” Dean said in a very worried tone.
“Well, that’s great. Now how do we know what happens next?”
Inexplicably, Kevin walks into the same room and says “Hey guys, what’s happening?”
“Oh, I think Dean broke reality or mercy-killed a fanfic that was about to get a little out of control.” Karen said. “Wait a minute, how come you’re here?” she asked Kevin.
“Funny story, Ric shot this Munchie guy I used to work with at Cargill, and a bunch of foolish cockroach-worshipping people were about to party Ewok style, and all of the sudden, boom!, here I am” said Kevin.
“Is that the same Munchie that you had the photo of him dressed as a fox getting the butt sex from someone dressed like the Cheerios honey bee?” Dean asked.
“Yes. Anyways, how did you get here?” Kevin asked Dean.
“Well, at first we kept having flashes of past incidents in our lives and then all of the sudden two of the Doctor Whos show up…”
Kevin interrupted “Okay, first off, which ones?”
“Eccleston and Tennant were the ones” answered Dean.
“So I guess Rose and Martha were the companions, right?”
“Yes.”
“Did they get naked?” asked Kevin.
“I think they were about to then I yelled ‘enough!’ and here we are now” replied Dean.
“Now had Tom Baker and Peter Davison shown up with any combination of Sarah Jane Smith, the Brigadier, and Peri Brown that would have been a true nerdgasm” Kevin said with a smirk on his face.
“Well, it was worth mentioning there was a rip in the space-time continuum and they tried to fix it, at least that was what Captain Jack said.” Karen mentioned.
“Well, Dean my boy, your little primal scream may have done something useful after all – sparing this title from a pointless masturbatory fantasy.” Kevin said, by that time another flash of light occurred and Kevin, Dean, and Karen found themselves in a one bedroom apartment, watching a single man in a bathrobe typing away feverishly on his computer.
“Hey there slappy, can we talk here okay?” Kevin said to the man on the computer. “This is supposed to be our story here, okay? Leave the bad fanfic stuff for another day, all right?”
The man just looked at Kevin and said “Look, I gave you Keith Richards and Ric Flair as zombie-hunting bad-asses and NOW you complain about the santicity of the story?”
“Well, if they end up in a Brokeback Mountain Moment, I want out of this chicken outfit then” Kevin demanded of the man.
“All right then. How would you like me to kill them off?” the man asked.
“Dude, don’t give spoilers!” Dean told the man.
“Yeah, we want to be surprised with the outcome.” Karen said in agreement.
“It’s not like you’re running out of steam in that you threw that in here, are you?” Dean asked.
“I don’t know. I may be. But I’ll try to refrain from doing that again, all right?” the man said.
“Good, now can we go back into our story and pretend this whole ‘Doctor Who’ thing never happened?” asked Karen.
“Well, I’m going to keep the potential temporal rift thing in there, but the rest will be never talked about again from this point on” said the man at the computer. Dean and Karen faded out of the room while Kevin looked at the man again. Kevin then said “Just a free tip here: when this is all over – go out, get drunk and laid. And stop fapping over pics of Billie Piper on the internet too while you’re at it!” Kevin then also faded out of the apartment as the man just sat back and looked at his creative output.
“Christ, that’s the last time I have sweet chili wings and fall asleep while watching season two!” he said as he got up and went to use the bathroom.
Dean, Karen, and Kevin were in the same white room they were in before visiting the man at the computer.
“We just want to apologize for that unfortunate incident.” Dean said to no one in particular.
“Yes, while some fan fiction can be entertaining, five in seven fan fiction writers are either lonely sexually frustrated basement dwellers or attention-seeking crazed fan-girls wanting to put two male characters in homoerotic situations.” Kevin said also to no one in particular.
“While our tale may border on the absurd here, we need to focus on our story, not those of others.” Karen said.
“So please, sit back and enjoy the rest of the ride!” Dean, Karen, and Kevin said together as they left the white room.
“Do you mind telling me what the fuck is going on here?” Donnie asked as Dean and Karen walked back on the campus of the University of Alberta.
“I don’t know” Dean said. “What do you think happened?”
Donnie shook his head in frustration. “God, why can’t I get a straight answer around here anymore?”
Karen and Donnie just looked at each other and smiled. Everything is back to normal, they both though, or as normal as it was going to get at this junction.
“Trust me, nothing is here at all!” Ariel shouted towards Donnie, who looked like he was skeptical of their initial sweep.
“Well, forgive me as all the other times everything seemed okay some weird shit has gone down!” Donnie replied back.
“Yeah, because yelling sure isn’t going to cause attention,” Karen told Dean, who had a bewildered look on his face. “Care to share something, love?” Karen asked Dean.
“Oh, no, I’m okay here.” Dean said, breaking out of a temporary moment of having his thought elsewhere. “I was just thinking it’s been nearly six years since I stepped foot on these hallowed grounds of academe. I was thinking how much different life would have been had I actually, you know, followed through…”
Dean could not finish the rest of his thought as a giant flash of bright white light came across his eyes and blinded him for a moment. When he regained his sight back, Dean found himself sitting in a lecture theatre that appeared to be somewhere on the university grounds. A female professor, who was on the main lecture platform looked briefly up from her notes to say “Mister Williams, please do try and keep up.” Dean looked around, but noticed the professor was not looking at him per say, but what looked like a younger version of him sitting in the middle row.
“This seems almost impossible” Dean muttered to himself. Wanting to confirm what he was sort of suspecting, he asked a female student sitting beside him “Excuse me, what is today’s date?”
The student looked at the older Dean with a “what-the-hell-are-you-on?” look and answered with “November seventh.”
Dean nodded and then asked her “Okay, what year is it now?”
“How long have you been here?” she asked back to Dean rather rudely. “It’s 1997!”
1997?! Dean thought to himself. This seems impossible, but so far this seems to be on par with what has been going on here so far. Dean briefly looked at the student’s notes and text book that she had opened. Dean appeared to be in a first-year psychology class, which would make sense. Now all Dean needed to do was figure out why he was sent back to this period in time of his life. He noticed the lecture was on early psychological theories, in particular Freud’s ideas on the id, ego, and superego. The professor then went off the topic again and appeared to be assigning students to work on a project. While Dean zoned out on names he hadn’t heard or recalled since taking this class nearly ten years ago, he did pay attention when the professor said “… And how about Dean Williams and Kevin Brody…” Dean looked around and noticed that sitting beside him was the younger Kevin James Brody, his future friend. But why was Dean brought back to this particular moment.
Then the same flash of light hit Dean again…
“Dean, are you still here?” a concerned Donnie asked as Dean opened his eyes to see he was back in the present time. Karen was also standing beside Dean, looking relieved when Dean began to look around.
“Thank god you’re back.” Karen said as she hugged Dean very hardly, as if she was worried something bad may have happened to him. “What happened?” she asked Dean, feeling safer with her arms wrapped around him.
“You may find it hard to believe,” Dean said as he squeezed back. “But I had a bizarre flashback incident, taking me back to my university years. In fact, it was the first time Kevin and I met…”
Donnie interrupted Dean “Flashback? Like on ‘Lost’?”
“Sort of, although it was more along the lines of an orb experience” Dean said.
“Huh?” said a confused Donnie.
“Like on ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine?’” replied Dean. “See, Kevin would…”
“Oh Kevin this and Kevin that! Why don’t you just marry Kevin already?” Donnie replied rather annoyed.
“I think I have some objections to that proposal.” Karen said with a smile. Then Karen herself saw a flash of light as well, possibly the same light that Dean had encountered.
Karen’s eyes opened to a night scene somewhere downtown Edmonton. The unearthly orange glow of the city’s street lights reflected the steady downpour of rain that fell from the dark evening sky. Karen began walking, trying to figure out where she was now and more importantly figure out when she was in relation to time. She noticed at the intersection about three sets of flashing lights, coming from a pair of police cars and an ambulance. Like the old cliché about not being to able to look away from an accident, Karen was drawn to this scene. She could hear the indistinct sound of radio chatter coming from one of the police officers attending to the accident scene. As she approached closer to the scene, it became clear of where she was now. She recognized two of the cars, both with their front ends smashed in, as being from an accident Karen attended to.
“This can’t be.” Karen muttered to herself as she noticed one of the paramedics attending to one of the drivers. Karen recognized the paramedic as herself, and the moment she has been forced to witness again was her sister Tracy’s unfortunate death at the hands of a drunk driver. While Karen witnessed her past self stepping back from the scene, looking visibly shaken over the whole ordeal, she noticed the man who had survived, being escorted into a police car with only a few bumps and scars. Karen ran towards the man and found a way to tackle the man to the ground. Two of the police officers were startled but quickly acted to pull Karen away from the man. Almost hysterical, Karen screamed at the man who had taken Tracy’s life “Why do you get to live?! Why does she die and you get to…”
“…Live?” Karen said when the light flashed again and she found herself back in the present.
“Did the same thing happen to you?” asked Dean.
“I think so,” Karen said wiping tears from her eyes. “I relived Tracy’s accident and for some reason I confronted the man responsible for it. That was when the light flashed again and I was back here.”
Donnie seemed slightly agitated. “Look, for once, can we get a straight explanation of what is going on?”
Penny Fields was walking towards Dean, Karen, and Donnie and was in close range to hear Donnie’s plea for an explanation. “I can’t find anything to explain, but Ariel went ahead to investigate…”
Penny then too encountered the same light that Dean and Karen had experienced. This time, it took her to a time that was all too familiar for her as she her past self getting ready to kiss a past form of Dean.
“Goodnight, Dan…” the past Penny said.
“Oh you stupid bitch!” the present Penny said to herself quietly. “Had I known that caused such hurt towards him, I could have been with him now instead of that hosebag he is with now.” The present Penny watched as her past self simply walked into her apartment lobby while Dean walked away, visibly upset.
“No! Go apologize to him!” Penny shouted to her past self, who was oblivious to her presence. Then the light flashed again and Penny found herself back, looking at Dean and Karen.
“Did you just see a flash of light and relive a part of your past?” Dean asked Penny.
“Yeah I did,” she replied. “It was…” Penny stopped and decided to keep her deepest regret to herself, knowing that he and Karen appear to be happy here and now. “… nothing special or anything to really talk about” she said kind of withdrawn.
“So how come I haven’t had any of these flashback or orb experiences or whatever the fuck is going on here?” Donnie asked.
An unknown voice from behind Donnie then told him “I don’t think you would want to have one.” Donnie turned around and noticed a dark-haired man was standing there. The mystery man was wearing a faded gray trench coat and a dark blue button-down shirt with matching pants. Dean, Karen and Penny also looked at the interloper too. Donnie asked the man straight out “Who the hell are you?”
“Oh sorry, where are my manners,” the man said extending his right hand to shake Donnie’s hand. “Name’s Captain Jack Harkness and I’m investigating the strange occurrences that are going on in this region.”
“Wait, you’re a captain?” Penny asked. “Which branch are you a part of?”
“Actually,” Captain Jack went on to explain. “I’m from the 51st century…”
“Wait, what? You got to be kidding me!” exclaimed Donnie. Meanwhile Dean and Karen began to carry on a private and quiet conversation. “Is this where I think this is heading?” Karen asked Dean.
“I don’t know, let’s ride this one out before raising too much objections. Besides this may provide some quality comedy, something we really haven’t focused on for a while here.” Dean replied.
Captain Jack addressed Donnie “Yes, actually I’m a time agent from that century here to investigate several temporal disruptions that have all conveyed in this city of yours, which would explain why some of you have had flashes of past experiences that were related to this very city.”
“So why haven’t I had one yet?” asked Donnie, which shortly after posing the question to the alleged time agent from way far into the future, saw the same flash of light and found himself in the maternity ward of the University Hospital. Donnie watched as his past self and Sarah, basking in the afterglow of the birth of their daughter. Donnie looked at the past form of his family and had a little bit of tearing up in his eyes, thinking that he misses his family. And who know what kind of danger they’re now facing alongside Kevin. By that time, the light flashed again and Donnie was back in the present time. “Okay, never mind, I just had one” he said.
“Good.” Said Captain Jack. “Now, how far did you seem to travel back?” he asked Donnie.
“It was nearly three years I would say. It was during Hailey’s birth” Donnie replied.
“Interesting, and from what everyone else has told me so far, they too have only traveled in their past.” Captain Jack mentioned.
“Why did we just visit the past then?” Karen posed. “Why did we not visit any part of the future?”
Out of nowhere, a second version of Captain Jack Harkness showed up and answered Karen’s question. “It is quite possible that this temporal rift allows you to only travel or relive events within your own life span.”
“Kind of like ‘Quantum Leap’?” asked Karen.
“If that helps you, then yes” the second Captain Jack said.
“Wait, who are you?” the first Captain Jack asked his apparent doppelganger.
“Captain Jack Harkness. I’m from Torchwood, and these are my shiny teeth” proclaimed the second Captain Jack.
“Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on here?” Donnie asked while shaking his head in disbelief.
“He’s right, there is a temporal rift that has engulfed this region” said the second Captain Jack. “But what could have caused it is unknown at the moment.”
“Well, maybe it has something to do with a bunch of nuclear missiles that struck this city?” the first Captain Jack asked his mirror self.
“Records show nothing of a nuclear strike” the second Captain Jack replied back but by this time, a giant flash of light engulfed the second of the two Captain Jacks and engulfed him. As quickly as he arrived, the second Captain Jack Harkness was gone.
“Okay, that was…” Penny looked on confused as everyone seemed to be.
“Weird?” asked Donnie. “Compared to the shit that has gone down, yeah I’d say that was weird.”
“I honestly have no clue” the remaining Captain Jack said. By this time Ariel had noticed a strange mechanical whirling sound and had gotten into position to fire at will. By this time, Dean, Karen, and Donnie stepped back too being unsure of what was going on. Penny also got into a firing position as what appeared to be a blue police call box from Britain began to slowly materialize.
“Christ, this is about to get either totally awesome or totally gay.” Dean whispered into Karen’s ear as she nodded her head in agreement.
“Do you mind sharing with me your little inside joke here guys because I sure as hell could use a fucking clue as to what is going on here!” Donnie mentioned to the couple.
“Just stand back and wait for a potential l-o-l moment.” Dean insisted
“Fuck! You nerds are going to drive me bonkers yet!” Donnie said exasperated.
“Don’t lump me in that group. I’m just here for the laughs too!” Karen retorted back. The box finished materializing and the door of said box opened. First person to step out was a thin looking woman with blonde hair. Right away, Ariel snapped into action and pointed the gun at the woman. “Don’t fucking move an inch!” Ariel barked at the blonde while pointing the gun at her. The lady stopped and raised her hands up in the air “Uhh, we come in peace?” the blonde woman said with a British accent. Another voice, both British and belonging to a man came from inside the call box.
“Rose, what is going on out there?” the man asked as he popped out of the box and only to have Ariel turn her attention onto him. “Uh, like she said, we come in peace?” he said to Ariel.
“All right then, tell me who the fuck are you?” Ariel demanded to know, just barely squeezing the trigger.
“Well, I’m The Doctor”, the man simply known as The Doctor replied and then pointing to the blonde woman. “And this is Rose Tyler. Now care to tell me who you are?”
“Doctor!” exclaimed Captain Jack as he ran over to see shaven haired Doctor, who was sporting a stylish leather jacket and dressed in black. “I’m glad to see you; maybe you have an idea of what is going on here.”
“Didn’t I leave you on Satellite Five?” The Doctor asked Captain Jack, who kind of stammered and stuttered to explain his presence here. However, any further answers could not be attained as this version of Captain Jack Harkness was engulfed by the same light that claimed the second one.
“Okay now that little bit of unpleasantness has been dealt with, shall I explain what is going on here, hmm?” The Doctor said.
“Wait, where did he disappear to now?” Rose asked.
“Oh, he probably back to his own timeline.” The Doctor guessed. “Now, anyways, from what I can tell, this little town of yours here seems to be in a temporal flux caused by something I can’t quite tell exactly…”
“Again, doesn’t it have to do with the fact that this city got wiped off the face of the freaking earth?!” insisted Donnie.
“My, aren’t you an impatient ape.” The Doctor told Donnie in a somewhat condescending tone.
“He is right though, Doctor” Rose said in Donnie’s defense. “Didn’t the TARDIS pick up high level of radiation in this vicinity?”
“Yes Rose, but it still doesn’t explain why these people here haven’t been horribly scarred by radiation burns or why these buildings are still intact.” The Doctor said.
“Excuse me, but couldn’t you like, you know, fix this little rip in the temporal whatever thing?” Donnie asked.
“Well, it’s not like stitching a rip in your favorite trousers. First we need to figure out where the rip is exactly, and depending on how big of a rip we’re talking about it, I may not be able to simply repair it.” The Doctor told Donnie.
“So basically, we may have to deal with flashbacks?” asked Ariel, still keeping her gun cocked and ready to fire if necessary.
“Who can say, but could you please put that gun down? It is making me rather nervous and I can’t quite save your little planet if my brains are splattered all over the place, can I?” The Doctor requested of Ariel to do, which surprisingly she complied. The Doctor went on “Now, okay, what we need to do is…”
The Doctor could not finish his sentence as he was interrupted by the same whirling sound that preceded his arrival. Sure enough, the same blue police call box materialized. Once it was finished the door opened and out popped another man, this one had dark brown hair and was wearing a brown suit and trench coat.
“Okay Martha, now all we need to is… uh, what the?” the new man stopped and looked at The Doctor. “Who are you?” the new man asked.
“I’m The Doctor. Who are you?” The Doctor asked back.
“That can’t be. I’m The Doctor!” the man known as the other Doctor replied.
“Oh bloody hell! Wait, I don’t even recognize you.” The shaven-haired Doctor said.
“Well, I believe I regenerated from you to be honest.” The brown-haired Doctor replied back.
A female voice followed from the second call back, British as well, and a black skinned woman came out “Doctor, what is going… oh shi-!” she said, being struck by the presence of one more TARDIS and probably one more Time Lord
By this time Dean and Karen both sat on the ground, simply basking in the bizarreness of this whole situation. “So, where is going to go now?” Karen asked Dean.
“I don’t know, all I know is that I wish Kevin was here now so he could enjoy this too.” Dean said with a smile on his face.
“Well I’m glad you two are enjoying this because there may be a rip in reality that could destroy us all!” Donnie protested.
“Oh I’m sure it’ll work out, once we get past an obligatory slashfic staple of a make-out session.” Dean tried to assure Donnie.
“And then what?” Donnie asked.
“Then all bets are off and then we step in and try to correct this little violation of a show’s established canon.” Dean insisted.
Ariel and Penny watched together, unsure of what was really going on. The black woman came forward and introduced herself “Hi, I’m Martha Jones.”
“Rose Tyler.” Rose said.
“So, this is the famous Rose that I replace, huh?” Martha said with a bit of scorn in the tone of her voice to the brown-haired Doctor
“Wait a minute, you’re going to replace me?!” Rose said angrily to her Doctor.
“What did you do to her?” the shaven-head Doctor asked.
“Me? She was the one who got sucked into a parallel Earth trying to help stop the Cybermen from taking over this Earth!” The brown-haired Doctor protested.
“You’re not planning doing the same thing to me that you did to Blondie there, are you?” Martha said with a look of disdain on her face to her version of The Doctor.
“Wait just a minute here,” Rose spoke up. “I’m not going to be replaced easily, especially by some nappy-headed…”
“Oi, that does it! Bring it on!” Martha said as she got into a fighting position while Rose ran after her and was able to take her down with a basic leg sweep. The two companions grappled and clawed at each other while the two Doctors stood in bewilderment in their behavior. Not amused by these antics was the always trigger happy Ariel, who let a shot go off in the air. Both Martha and Rose, tops torn and their breasts slightly expose…
“ENOUGH!” shouted Dean as a giant flash of white light overtook the scene and he finds himself in a giant white-lit room with Karen standing beside him.
“What happened here?” asked Karen.
“I don’t know, but I think I broke reality.” Dean said in a very worried tone.
“Well, that’s great. Now how do we know what happens next?”
Inexplicably, Kevin walks into the same room and says “Hey guys, what’s happening?”
“Oh, I think Dean broke reality or mercy-killed a fanfic that was about to get a little out of control.” Karen said. “Wait a minute, how come you’re here?” she asked Kevin.
“Funny story, Ric shot this Munchie guy I used to work with at Cargill, and a bunch of foolish cockroach-worshipping people were about to party Ewok style, and all of the sudden, boom!, here I am” said Kevin.
“Is that the same Munchie that you had the photo of him dressed as a fox getting the butt sex from someone dressed like the Cheerios honey bee?” Dean asked.
“Yes. Anyways, how did you get here?” Kevin asked Dean.
“Well, at first we kept having flashes of past incidents in our lives and then all of the sudden two of the Doctor Whos show up…”
Kevin interrupted “Okay, first off, which ones?”
“Eccleston and Tennant were the ones” answered Dean.
“So I guess Rose and Martha were the companions, right?”
“Yes.”
“Did they get naked?” asked Kevin.
“I think they were about to then I yelled ‘enough!’ and here we are now” replied Dean.
“Now had Tom Baker and Peter Davison shown up with any combination of Sarah Jane Smith, the Brigadier, and Peri Brown that would have been a true nerdgasm” Kevin said with a smirk on his face.
“Well, it was worth mentioning there was a rip in the space-time continuum and they tried to fix it, at least that was what Captain Jack said.” Karen mentioned.
“Well, Dean my boy, your little primal scream may have done something useful after all – sparing this title from a pointless masturbatory fantasy.” Kevin said, by that time another flash of light occurred and Kevin, Dean, and Karen found themselves in a one bedroom apartment, watching a single man in a bathrobe typing away feverishly on his computer.
“Hey there slappy, can we talk here okay?” Kevin said to the man on the computer. “This is supposed to be our story here, okay? Leave the bad fanfic stuff for another day, all right?”
The man just looked at Kevin and said “Look, I gave you Keith Richards and Ric Flair as zombie-hunting bad-asses and NOW you complain about the santicity of the story?”
“Well, if they end up in a Brokeback Mountain Moment, I want out of this chicken outfit then” Kevin demanded of the man.
“All right then. How would you like me to kill them off?” the man asked.
“Dude, don’t give spoilers!” Dean told the man.
“Yeah, we want to be surprised with the outcome.” Karen said in agreement.
“It’s not like you’re running out of steam in that you threw that in here, are you?” Dean asked.
“I don’t know. I may be. But I’ll try to refrain from doing that again, all right?” the man said.
“Good, now can we go back into our story and pretend this whole ‘Doctor Who’ thing never happened?” asked Karen.
“Well, I’m going to keep the potential temporal rift thing in there, but the rest will be never talked about again from this point on” said the man at the computer. Dean and Karen faded out of the room while Kevin looked at the man again. Kevin then said “Just a free tip here: when this is all over – go out, get drunk and laid. And stop fapping over pics of Billie Piper on the internet too while you’re at it!” Kevin then also faded out of the apartment as the man just sat back and looked at his creative output.
“Christ, that’s the last time I have sweet chili wings and fall asleep while watching season two!” he said as he got up and went to use the bathroom.
Dean, Karen, and Kevin were in the same white room they were in before visiting the man at the computer.
“We just want to apologize for that unfortunate incident.” Dean said to no one in particular.
“Yes, while some fan fiction can be entertaining, five in seven fan fiction writers are either lonely sexually frustrated basement dwellers or attention-seeking crazed fan-girls wanting to put two male characters in homoerotic situations.” Kevin said also to no one in particular.
“While our tale may border on the absurd here, we need to focus on our story, not those of others.” Karen said.
“So please, sit back and enjoy the rest of the ride!” Dean, Karen, and Kevin said together as they left the white room.
“Do you mind telling me what the fuck is going on here?” Donnie asked as Dean and Karen walked back on the campus of the University of Alberta.
“I don’t know” Dean said. “What do you think happened?”
Donnie shook his head in frustration. “God, why can’t I get a straight answer around here anymore?”
Karen and Donnie just looked at each other and smiled. Everything is back to normal, they both though, or as normal as it was going to get at this junction.
No comments:
Post a Comment