Disclaimer
The following is a work of fiction. Any real names, real events, non-original content, or likeness of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner. All other character names and events are fictional and any resemblance o real names or events are purely coincidental.
CHAPTER TWO: THE GOVERNMENT TOTALLY SUCKS! OR, IN WHICH WE MEET UP WITH THE BRODY-TOROSHENKOS AND “THE RYAN JEFFRIES MEMORIAL SQUINT SQUAD”.
45 minutes north from Vegreville, Alberta.
June 30, 2010.
A grey sedan made its down the gravel prairie road that seemed like every road in the area the two passengers inside had been down already. It was a cloudy day out in the rural part of Alberta and it had just finished raining. The driver of the car, a fair-skinned woman with long shoulder-length blonde hair, turned off the wiper blades as the rain had stopped. Her partner, a rugged and aged black man, looked out the passenger window and noticed the abundance of canola crops in the area. Probably was a weird coincidence that a lot of the fields had signs advertising Daring Agri-Tech, but that was neither here nor there at the moment.
“Good, least the rain made the dust quit flying.”, said the black man.
The white woman double checked the GPS map on the dashboard of the luxury car and then looked at her partner and asked him “You’re sure we’re going the right way?”
“Pretty sure,” he answered back. “These were the directions given by us.”
“This whole assignment seems pointless. He’s not going to cooperate with us willingly. If this were only the old days…” the woman said with a tinge of nostalgia in her voice.”
Her partner scoffed and said, “Please, you’re young. You were only in Section 31 in the dying days. Now take it from a lifer like me, you only got a glimpse of what were capable of doing.”
“I know. I get assigned into the agency and then ‘boom!’ everything changes. And now we’re supposed to see what the very man who brought us down has to offer us?” she said with disdain.
The man just sighed. “All I know is I’m getting too old for this shit. Only one more week until retirement, and we get called out for one last hurrah.”
“It’s a shame they’re forcing you out like that,” the woman said with sympathy for her partner’s plight.
“It’s the sign of the times, Miss Black.”, the man said. “Thirty years of loyalty to our cause, then backlash when its exposed to the public and then you end up working some desk job until offered a decent pension plan.”
“Turn right in next 30 meters.” the GPS system alerted, which the woman whose last name was Black made a mental note as she came to an intersection. “Destination arrival in five minutes”, the GPS again informed them.
“Well, Mister White. Ready for our last stand?” Black asked her partner.
“Ready as I’m ever gonna be,” said the man known as White. “Can’t believe we have to this peacefully.”
Black and White pulled into the long driveway of a seclude farm yard that was only a few miles from the North Saskatchewan River. They would have missed the yard totally as it was well covered with pine and poplar trees. Black brought the car to a slow stop at the halfway mark between the yard’s entrance and the house that was in the distance. She and White exited the vehicle and began to walk. Black stopped suddenly and put her arm out to stop her partner from stepping into a trap jaw that was only inches away from closing and snapping White’s ankle.
Black shook her head. “Still crazy about wolves I see?” Black said.
White let out a sigh of relief. “Never could really figure his deal with the wolves. Or unless this was…” White’s thought was interrupted when he suddenly felt what was like the barrel of a gun pointed into the middle of his back. He finished his thought with a faintness in his breath. “… distraction tactic?”
“Turn around slowly,” ordered a female voice. “Hands in the air. As for you Blondie, do anything rash and his spine eats lead!” she snapped at Black who looked like she was going to reach for her own gun as well. White cooperated with the order as he raised his arms in the air and turned to face his would-be capturer. He was shocked to see a very petite red-haired woman wearing a olive green tank top and camouflage pants. It was Ariel Brody-Toroshenko.
“Missus Brody?” stammered White.
“That’s Missus Brody-Toroshenko to you! Now, you got exactly thirty seconds to explain why you’re here or else…” Ariel said with a smile on her face as she cocked the gun, ready to fire.
“Actually, we’re here to see Kevin”, Black spoke out. “We’re here to make an offer he would be wise to accept.”
Ariel motioned to White to put his arms down as she placed the gun back in a holster that was attached to her shapely hips. “I dunno. Guess you’ll have to find out for yourselves.”, she said as she motioned the two of them to follow her towards the house.
Ariel escorted Black and White into the back porch and through the kitchen. The three of them made their way into the living room where sat four computers in a circle. The three of them occupied by three different people. The first was Rachel Mills – a tall, slender woman with shoulder length dark brown hair. The second was Benny Carlson – a man wearing Lennon-style sunglasses and had a reddish-brown brillo-like hair and matching beard. The last one was Lucas Goldstein, a very gawky looking man with messy black hair and very pale looking as if he had never seen much natural sunlight in his life.
“Where’s Kev?” ask Ariel in a general direction at this motley crew of people.
“He’s still on his video call with Doctor Bellum.” Benny answered back. “I sweet to god he spends more time with her than he does with you.” he said looking at Ariel.
“Maybe so, but he gets to spend the night with this” Ariel came back as she moved her hand up and down the side of her figure as she went off into another room to fetch Kevin. Meanwhile Black and White stood around awkwardly, unsure what to make of the current situation.. Black spoke first to ease the uneasy silence in the room and directed at Rachel. “Agent Mills?” she asked.
“Well, well, fancy seeing you again” Rachel said back to whom one could assume was a former colleague. “Thought you were giving up the whole covert look?”
“Actually got reassigned to the Fisheries Department thanks to your friend and that book the two of you wrote.” White shot back with.
“You’re pretty fancy dressed for someone who plays with fish if you ask me.”, Benny commented on the black business wear that Black and White were dressed in.
“Actually right now, we’re working as special consultants for the offices of Jason Saxon, Homeland And Public Safety Minister.” White stated.
Lucas sheepishly spoke up and asked “Is he still shook how the four of us took the government to the bank?”
“The money bank! Wooo!” Benny exclaimed and motioned for a high-five with Lucas, who reluctantly partook in. Both Black and White rolled their eyes at this form of juvenile behavior. Rachel just gave a sly smirk as she returned to typing on her computer. “Come now, Black, you knew what your little agency was getting into when I was recruited.” Rachel said to Black.
“Yes I remember you being a premier computer programmer and hacker. Didn’t realized that you would bite the hand that fed you for so many years.” Black said defensively. “And now you willfully work with these… ugh!... nerds!”
“I do resent being referred as that.” Lucas retorted quietly
“As do I! I may have nerd-like qualities but I have at least gone further than first base unlike Lucas here!” Benny stated.
“Uhm, yeah, that was rather uncalled for.” Lucas said to Benny. “Besides I have so touched a boob.”
“Accidently bumping into Ariel in the middle of the night does not a boob touch make.” Benny said.
“Well I have very bad night vision and I’m sure I got a nice feel of one of them.” Lucas nervously replied back.
“I have no doubt,” said Benny, “But methinks one is just jealous that spurned one of your very awkward moves on her.”
“She said I was too scrawny and pale.” Lucas sighed. “And what did she ever say about you?”
“Told me my beard reminded too much of her father and keeps insisting for me to shave it off. Guess she is still shook over her dad pulling a Chris Benoit.” Benny said.
Rachel looked over at Benny and said “I don’t know what that means.”
Benny replied back. “Just ask Kevin. I’m sure he’ll be more than glad to talk great lengths about that with you.”
“Well, in time.” Rachel said. “Still kind of hurt that he said my breasts were inadequate for nourishing potential Brody offspring. According to him, the Brody males produce very thirsty children.”
“For the love of god, can we please change the subject?” Lucas shrilled. Meanwhile Black and White looked confused as to what was going on here
“Is this some form of torture for us?” White whispered into Black’s ear.
“I sure hope so.” Black replied back quietly.
Ariel returned, this time carrying a little girl in her arms. It was her and Kevin’s daughter Willow Ecstasy Brody-Toroshenko. The girl with the similar red hair to her mother giggled relentlessly as she tossed a book she was carrying at Lucas.
Lucas winced in pain “The little brat! She ruined it!”
“Ruined what?” asked Rachel.
“My special edition of The Watchmen autographed by Zach Snyder! She wrecked it!” Lucas said almost breaking into tears as Benny quietly snickered to himself.
“She probably did the world a favor.” Benny said, trying to hold back laughing too loud, which was when Kevin walked into the room and joined in the conversation.
“More than likely,” said Kevin. “One – having Zach Snyder sign a copy of that piece of graphic novel goodness is akin to asking a rabbi to apologize for crucifying Jesus. Two… “ Kevin’s thought was interrupted when he noticed Agents Black and White and commented towards them: “Oh great, Mormons!”
“Actually he’s Southern Baptist and I’m Anglican” Agent Black said. “Mister Brody, I’m Agent Black and this is Agent White…”
Kevin interrupted the introductions “Sorry, as per the non-disclosure agreement between myself and the Government of Canada…”
Agent White jumped in: “Actually, we’re here to talk more about your novel – ‘Section 31 Uncovered’…”
“All matters for that are to be redirected to either to Rachel Mills’ publisher.” Kevin retorted back.
“Well since the two of you are here and did a lot of the work we have a few questions to ask you.” Agent Black said.
Kevin sighed. “All right then,” he said as he sat down. “What would like to know?”
“Have any of you came across files pertaining to two projects - one called ‘Looking Glass’ and the other one entitled ‘Lazarus’?”
“And what makes you think we have anything on those projects?” asked Ariel defensively.
“We have been monitoring all purchases of surplus computers and noticed a lot were purchased by a company called ‘The Ryan Jeffries Memorial Squint Squad’, which we traced to here.” Agent Black said.
Lucas whined. “You had to call us that?”
Kevin smiled and said “Ryan Jeffries was a war hero and deserved to be forever memorialized.”
“No,” Lucas protested, “Squints! I hate that term!”
Benny rolled his eyes. “C’mon, it’s not that bad.”
Again, Rachel looked confused and said “I don’t know what means.”
Getting frustrated, Agent White snapped “Look, do you have anything on those projects or not?”
“Well if we did, we would have been mentioned in the book.” Rachel answered.
“Exactly,” Kevin said in agreement. “Now, if there is nothing else you have to offer, would you kindly get the funk out of here?”
“Well,” Agent Black said as she pulled out two envelopes. “Mister Saxon would be honored if two of the Vegreville Six will attend the official opening of the Vegreville Memorial Park on July Seventh.” She handed the two envelopes to Kevin and Ariel, with Ariel doing her best to keep Willow from getting a hold of the envelope.
“It was a pleasure doing business with you all.” Agent Black said as she and Agent White made their way out. Once the door closed, Kevin asked Rachel. “Well Bones, any idea what the Happiness Patrol were talking about?”
Rachel looked confused and answered “One – no. Two – why do you keep calling me ‘Bones’? And three – everything we had on Section 31 came from all the files we accumulated over the past two years and your inside source.”
Kevin sighed. “Looks like I’ll need to pick the good doctor’s brain some more tomorrow” he said.
Agents Black and White made their way back to their car.
“That seemed totally pointless.” Black said.
“Maybe not. But we achieved our objective,” White said. “As long as they are clueless about those two projects, everything should go off without a hitch.”
“I hope so too,” Black said as she opened the car door and turned the ignition on to start up the car. “And I hope Mister Saxon has better luck with the other four tomorrow.”
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