When you die, the last thing you see is The King...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Apocalypse Wow! vs. Willowbend Tales #4 - Ladies Edition

Scene opens in the same white room, but with a few different changes. This time, a coffee table with a sterling silver tea set sits in the middle of two sets of couches which are facing each other. On one couch sits Dr. Sarah Bellum, Karen Williams, and Ariel Toroshenko-Brody. On the other couch sits Emily Moore, Julia Sanders, and Sally Goode. All six ladies are drinking tea.

Sarah: See? Isn’t this a nicer setting than the previous meetings between our respective universes?

Julia: I guess, but it doesn’t really give us a chance to evenly spotlight us. I mean you three already have your characters established and what about us?

Emily: I know, other than doing a quick snipet of our character traits, no one is really gonna know who we are.

Ariel: Please, you’re going to have about thirty days of character development! We’ve been patiently waiting for our story to end!

Karen: Look, I just want to get to the bottom of why my husband knocked up his publicist and seemingly has his illegitimate daughter thrown right in my face.

Sally: And here I thought I had men issues…

Emily: (scoffing) Says the town bicycle…

Sally: Least I’m not a flip-flopper like you! (directed at Emily)

Emily: Look, I sometimes the gentle touch of a woman and sometimes I want the rugged rough approach of a man. Is that so wrong?

Julia: Not really. Then again, I have a hard enough time deciding between two men in my life so I’m not one to really comment on it.

Sarah: Man, wish we had those problems.

Emily: We all have relationship issues, except ours are more based in reality while yours is stuck in some bizarre sci-fi campy thing.

Ariel: What is all of this harping on real life? It’s still real to us, dammit!

Sarah: Yeah, I’d like to see any of you three deal with the guilt of basically aiding in mass murders.

Ariel: Or almost witnessing your man die before your eyes…

Karen: Or wondering how long your husband has been unfaithful! Gah, I’m gonna kick Dean’s ass!

Emily: Okay, sounds like we touched a nerve here. Can we all agree that the men in our respective worlds are silly and we women rule?

ALL: (muttering at different intervals) I guess.

Scene changes into a dressing room where Willow Toroshenko-Brody, Faith Williams, Hailey Bellum, and Mercy Benz are seen standing around. Willow and Mercy look displeased.

Willow: So, Fearless Leader, why is it again we weren’t invited to this fancy tea?

Faith: (sighs) Because we haven’t been fully developed as characters yet, and someone had to punch the producer on the way in here. (looks at Mercy)

Mercy: Don’t get all huffy with me, boss lady! Besides that sicko deserved what he got after that comment he made!

Hailey: But still, did you really need to stuff him upside down in that trashcan?

Rocco walks into the room and smoothly tries to wrap his arms around Willow and Mercy

Rocco: Hello ladies. Interested in some sex followed by… sex?

Willow and Mercy: (together) Uh? NO!

Hailey: (pointing at a brown rabbit who hops into the scene. The rabbit's name is Mozart)Ooh, look a bunny!

Mozart: (looking at Rocco) Hello Rocco, guess what? Welcome to Bonertown! (jumps up and punches Rocco. Mozart then hops out of the scene)

Rocco: Ow, you sonuvabitchin’ rabbit! I’m gonna getcha! (runs after Mozart)

Hailey: (looking confused)Okay, what was that?

Faith: And I thought our universe was messed up…

Scene fades to black as Hailey says "Seriously. A rabbit with a mean hook? Inconceivable!". Groans of frustration can be heard from the remaining three.

Apocalypse Wow! vs. Willowbend Tales - It's runnin' more wilder than Hulkamania, brother!

No comments: